I’m confused, this is placing responsibility on me for communicating again. Her message to me did not in any way acknowledge my feelings or desire to improve communication between us. Total invalidation.
Validation is a one-way street. It's something you do, not something you receive (unless you are very lucky). I validate coworkers, my boss, my girlfriend, my kids, my XW. I get a little bit of validation back now and then, it happens so rarely that I'm usually like "wow!" Validation is an unusual skill, so don't be surprised not to get it back because most people just don't know how.
Quote
I’m interested to hear some thoughts on handling this in a healthy way. My goal is good healthy communication. I feel like I’m hitting my head against a wall right now. This is likely because I’m still emotionally attached in every way. I really want the closure that will never come. She can affect my mood in every word. In person is especially hard. I want to ask so badly what the F she is thinking and how blowing up our family for selfish reasons is right in her mind. I won’t but I want to.
Your goal for now should just be strictly business communications. Limit your discussions to the kids. Only discuss D or financial issues if absolutely necessary. Do not talk about anything else. Maybe in time, but for now keep away from all other subjects.
Also work on letting go of your need to know "why" this happened. You will never know, because she probably doesn't know either. She's acting on emotions and she can't explain her emotions. Neither can you, and neither can a college full of tenured psychologists. I understand how frustrating that is, believe me we ALL get it! We ALL want/ wanted to know "why". It wouldn't change anything to know, but I guess it's just human nature that we crave some kind of explanation.
Quote
Does it ever get easier to drop the kids off? It’s so hard every stinking time.
It does, it takes a while but it'll become routine.
Quote
W was all chatty about my family and how the weekend was. I didn’t engage her. Kept the answers short and to the point. They are fine. Niece is talking. Yes she is getting big.
