Manta, you're not quite a year past BD so even though it probably seems like forever that's not that long. It's normal to still be feeling a little lost and confused, you're still recovering and grieving. Give yourself more time, try and be patient with yourself. Yes your W is shutting doors on the R but that has to happen before she can figure out what she wants in life.
You mentioned twice feeling "dehumanized and emasculated". That's more about your state of mind than anything your W did to you. So try and work on that. Do GAL activities that expose you to other people so you can work on your self-esteem.
