Thank you for your blunt honesty. I don't take any of it as rude, and quite frankly if you feel like are holding back then let it really rip next time.
You are right, I am always wondering "How will W react if I do XYZ?" I won't deny that.
And now I will commence resuming the focus on my W in this post
Originally Posted by Hurt213
2. Communication is CRITICAL in a relationship because two individuals are able to express their needs and wants to each other and thereby develop a deeper connection and evolve their relationship.
The last time my W communicated with me about our R was in an e-mail in March. Prior to that, 2 one-sided venting sessions in January.
I feel that we need to work on our communication styles, but it will take both of us to commit. I'm rearing to go.
I am also starting to question whether I can be happy in a M with such poor communication.
Originally Posted by Hurt213
However.... Your wife is desperately signaling the need for space, and you are pressuring. Drop the rope. Listen to yourself "Break through this brick wall? or we are finished?" - It's not your wall to break down - its her fight, and you are just building that wall thicker and thicker by trying to knock it down.
If I hurt my W, if I was not meeting her needs, I feel it is my responsibility as her H to try to resolve the hurt and meet her needs.
Yes, she is signaling the need for space. This is because she is emotionally checked out, and space allows her to proceed with her D plans. In the past, W has held in resentments and chosen not to communicate her needs, if that matters.
It's just really darned confusing for me. I've been sitting here typing about 10 different responses, and to your point, Hurt, every time I start thinking more about them, I realize I'm stuck thinking about my W's reaction again.
Maybe I can come to some resolution by realizing that I already did try to resolve the hurt and meet her needs. It's so hard to let go. This is 15 years of my life. I want to fix things. I want to try harder. And I know that is a cringe-worthy statement to DB'ers. But how can I not want to heal the hurt and try to meet her needs? How can I decide to just stop communicating because that's what she wants? I've given her a month off, and nothing about my sitch has changed. Is it time for a 180?
Blah... too late, I need to go to bed. Will sit and wait.
Originally Posted by Hurt213
I do root for you, but you seem to really have a tough time with letting her do her, while you figure out you.
Yes I should journal more about what I am doing to figure out me. I actually am doing some ME-focused work.
I'm really focused on daily meditation and exercise at the moment. Things that distract the brain, are easy to do, and can be done anywhere. Hobbies I have placed on the back-burner a little bit, as they are harder to get into daily. Reading NMMNG second time through and working through some of the exercises there - fear of abandonment is a doozy given my current sitch.
GAL saw a good friend over the weekend while W and kids were gone, something I almost never do. Really good time, and good to know I have solid friends.
