I don't mean to be rude, and I have been EXACTLY where you are - many of us have. I am not trying to tell you what to do, but, I actually am... Because you are digging yourself into a hole, and its neck high at this point.
Let me elaborate:
You are trying to convince yourself, that you don't care about her emotional status towards you - Thats just not true, and the sooner you realize that you are only fooling yourself, the sooner you will be on the right path, sorry friend.
Its so explicit in your journaling, that everything you do, is done with hopes of a reaction from her side. And you aren't learning from her signals at all. You poored your heart out, and took responsibility for all the hurt, and you got ZERO feedback whatsoever. Listen, she is absolutely done in her head right now, and she is BEGGING for you to give her space. And here you are, after having sent said letters, asking yourself, if you should now pressure her even further by taking the interaction to a verbal level - I think you know the answer to your own question.. Back off.
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So how does one approach this situation?
A. DB. R's are 50/50, I should not fall all over myself trying to fix everything on my own.
B. Try to get W to open up and communicate, so I can better understand the hurts (#1) and the needs (#2). Communication shows that I care, and also provides me feedback which I am sorely lacking from W. Somebody needs to break through this brick wall or we are finished.
C. Give up.
1. You should not fall at all, but you are, because your journaling is DENSE with thoughts about her and how she might react to what you are thinking - What about journaling about what you want for YOU - leave her out of the equation / relief her of the immense pressure.
2. Communication is CRITICAL in a relationship because two individuals are able to express their needs and wants to each other and thereby develop a deeper connection and evolve their relationship.
However.... Your wife is desperately signaling the need for space, and you are pressuring. Drop the rope. Listen to yourself "Break through this brick wall? or we are finished?" - It's not your wall to break down - its her fight, and you are just building that wall thicker and thicker by trying to knock it down.
Sorry for being blunt.
I do root for you, but you seem to really have a tough time with letting her do her, while you figure out you.
BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018. EA: June 2018 PA: August 2018 - ongoing Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.
