I take you as you are

[SoTorn]

You got this Yail!! I understand that sadness that you have and also your change on feeling of forgiveness. I am in the same spot. My D is final. All that is left of my MR and family is destruction and separation.

I move out on Saturday. I doubt I will have anything to do with my EXWW. She still treats me like this is my fault. She has not changed one bit for the better. I am ok with that. However, I am still very sad about this whole thing.

Fortunately, the sadness seems to be more circled around my kids and just the uncertainty of my future, living on my own for the first time in my life. Doing things that keep me busy when I am alone without the kids. This is all uncharted territory. However, I have matured quite a bit. I know I will be fine. I love myself. I trust myself. That is what matters.

My EXWW still can't look at me at all. Her shame is there. I know its there. I know she feels disgusting about her choice but she is way to proud and too much of a narcissist to admit that she did something wrong and that she is a selfish person. She had written me an email when she signed the D paperwork before we filed, in it she wrote "It saddens me, even though I want this.. blah blah blah... I recognized my failures in our marriage.. blah blah"

I stopped reading right there. Because words mean jack sh*t!!! Actions speak much much louder than words.

They are all the same. They are all in on this selfishness. But its ok, life goes on. There are better people out there. Yes it [censored] that we put so much effort, life and energy into these R's, just for them to literally go nowhere, but we learned from these relationships.

We grew. We found our true selves. We found our true strength and true confidence and we will use that strength and confidence to pick ourselves up out of the dirt, dust ourselves off and push on, because we are the ones that know that ACTION is what it takes, and that is exactly what we are doing now!!

Keep your head up. We were given this path for a reason. Lets make sure we make the best of it.