Eldest has a medical condition that involves a regular quite invasive check up (under anaesthetic) at the hospital. He's due it in a couple of months, in fact. When we went last year, I was worried sick and while H was there, he was actually sitting on the other side of the waiting room texting his EA woman, too hungover to really engage with us. He'd been out with her the night before and was worried he'd embarrassed himself in front of her, so was trying to do some image management and arrange to see her again. I don't know if I will ever really be able to truly forgive that. I am sure he has some moments of mine that were unacceptable too, and which he clearly struggles to let go of and forgive. There's a difference, I think, between just not bringing things up as ammunition in an argument (which is where I am at) and genuinely letting go of them. I do love my H very much, but I have a lot of grief at no longer being able to look at him the way I did. I think I hero worshipped him a bit and I definitely thought of him as steadier, more controlled, more moral and generally just 'better' than me. He loved that - course he did - and it's been a real hard transition for me to try to love a flawed human.
I am going to see what he says in respect of MC. He says he hasn't had time to think about it yet. I let him know I'd be willing to see the family therapist we saw in Feb. I liked her suggestions, I like it that she got a wider view of us as parents, as conflicting parenting styles is something we have to address together and get sorted - and I liked how detailed and practical she was in an email with follow up suggestions that were about concrete ways forward. He said he would have a think. So I guess the ball is in his court. If there's no movement by the end of next month, I will visit a solicitor. I haven't told him that - but for my sanity I need to keep things moving forward, and I am not happy with his financial contribution (nil) and his off and on approach to childcare and want those made regular either through therapy or solicitors.
