Soon to separate, Possible WAW

[sandi2]

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So I think I will take your advice and after our swim class in a couple days I will say “let’s drop off the baby with your mom and go get some food”.

That's rushing things too quickly, IMHO.

Well, I've tried giving her the benefit of doubt.........but considering her nasty behavior lately, I suggest you wait until she can speak to you like a decent human being. Here's the thing......inviting her to go somewhere with you alone, is pursuing. As a man, you don't pursue a woman who is critical, bossy, or bullying you.

I am curious how she would react.

It would strictly be based on whatever mood she was in at the moment. When she's pouting, angry b/c you didn't respond immediately or like she wanted.......then she probably wants to punish you. Therefore, don't invite her to join you with others, nor join you alone.

So yesterday there was minimal contact between my W and I. I got a text from her at 11pm. “Miss you”.

Ah! There it is! 11:00 at night, and she sends you a "Miss you" text. That, my dear friend, is a big ole temperature check. That's what a WW will do fairly often, b/c she's trying to get a read on your emotional attachment. If you were to respond by telling her how awful it is without her there with you, and how you wish she would come home.........she would know her Plan B was secure. Having a secure Plan B, means she can do whatever she feels like doing, and pretty much treat her H like garbage in the meantime. I mean, you didn't kick her out, she made the decision to leave. Then a couple of days later, sends "Miss you"?

I was busy GAL having beers with some girls and guys, so I didn’t reply.

Perfect!

Like 20 minutes later she sent another text. “Rude bye” I guess in response to me not responding instantly lol.

Absolutely!! She expects you to jump when she snaps her fingers. News Flash! She fired you, so she just looks extremely foolish trying to play the role of a W who is mad at her H b/c he wasn't sitting on his phone in case she texted him.

Hi Sandi, I thought you were uncertain if she was WW?

No, I said I was uncertain that there was another man at that point. I said she had all the makings of a WW.

Yeah it’s been like that lately, the only talks between us have been her requesting info on my son. Getting annoyed with it and should stop doing it. The one day I didn’t send a pic she completely ignored me the next day.

I would think you are familiar with how she works. I mean, she hasn't just started finding little ways to punish you when she didn't get her way. Look, if you are annoyed with it, then stop. It's that simple. Why let her manipulate you? If she is asking about the baby when he is with you, then it could be coming from a mother's heart missing her baby. You have to determine b/c you know the details. You should be able to tell if she is genuinely missing him, or if she just wants to bug you, as a means of keeping up with where you are, who else is there, and what you are doing.

I’ve started dating though, once again just for fun, I have 0 intention of a relationship at this point. There are definitely pluses and minues to this situation with more positives coming out when the separation began. Hopefully going out on first date tomorrow night.

Wow, that was fast! Just be very careful. It may be just for fun......for you, but whenever involving another person...... it's involving feelings.......so, you never know how things will go. Let me ask something, and be very honest, okay? Are you dating in hopes it will make your W jealous and want to reconcile?

W FaceTimed and texted 2 separate times today just for update on our S. I’m thinking I will create a boundary next time that I have him.

Like what? Try it out with us, first. I think you might want to be careful about not allowing her to check on the child. I don't want to repeat what I've already said, but please take into consideration he's a baby and it is hard when the mother spends nights away. I'm trying to give her some benefit of doubt again. There have been some WW's who abandoned their baby to be with some OM.

So I drop my son off at her apartment. She is bullshitting about whatever, small talk. I had GAL to attend to so I said I gotta go bye. She got all offended and asked if next weekend I was going out drinking with our mutual friends. I said yes. She then got pissed and I asked what was wrong. She got all pissy and said “just go”. No need to ask me twice, I’m not putting up with that sht so I left.

Okay.......you handled that pretty well. But know this.........she was probably acting pi$$y in order to get you to ask her what was wrong. And......if she's acting pi$$y and you ask her what is wrong, then expect a pi$$y response.

She shortly after texts me “I’m having a really hard time with this today” in regards to our separation. I validate but enforce boundary that if she talks to me how she did early, the conversation is over.

Okay, you gonna stick to it?

She started asking me if I was dating or looking for a Girl friend or what my intentions were. I told her it was no longer her business because she left me.

Call me cold, but I like it.

A few hours later I get more texts from her. It was a long conversation but I’ll highlight: she asked for us to do something together for our son for the 4th of July. I replied that I wasn’t sure yet. She got all pissy and asked why. I said, we are going to Disney land in a month for our Sons birthday and that I wanted to see how that goes first. She got pissed more and asked why. I replied that “ you fired me as a husband and so why should I do family/husband things with you”. She replied “well I see you in my long term”. Obvious BS cuz if she did we would be reconciling. I straight up asked her, what do you want? To which she gave an uncertain answer.

Good so far. Yeah, she's really using the child as her manipulation tool. Isn't he going to be a year old? And, going to Disney Land? Good luck!

In the evening I get even more texts from her. More sht about my S that wasn’t crucial information. I was a bit drunk from GAL and I don’t think I initiated but it went into R talk. It got pretty intense and she brought up her laundry list of my problems again. I validated but at the same time defended myself. She went deep into negating all our good times which I shut down. I know some of you guys say that it’s her perception right now but I’m not putting up with the bullsht. She said all our 7 years were [censored] and I fiercely debated this. She kept attacking me and accusing me of sleeping with her friends which I haven’t. Idk where she got the idea that I was. We kept arguing and she was saying sht that in my opinion was so far from the truth.

My suggestion is to set a rule for yourself, and don't talk with her when you've been drinking. When she starts attacking and accusing.......tell her this is not the time for this conversation and you are turning off the phone. You were in no condition to interact with her. What about the boundary you set earlier about shutting down the conversation if she talked that way to you again?

I’ve really dropped the rope and realized that I deserve to be treated better. I’ve been dating for fun and have gotten a lot of interest from other woman. Until my W directly says she wants to work on the M I’m gonna do my own thing.

You are reacting to all the stuff she said. It's easy to say you're dropping the rope when you are mad.

I don't doubt she is struggling with the separation, b/c things aren't going like she imagined. She is spoiled and she wants to be the center of your attention. Most W's want to feel they are their H's top priority. At the moment, she sounds like she is pushing your buttons to get the response she wants........and it's not happening, so she'll huff & puff some more. Of course, we are only hearing your side of the story. What would she say if she was telling us about the MR?

Okay, for now...... pull back some and cool down. Don't put something out there to her that you'll regret later. Try not to converse with her while you are upset.