So so new to this :(

[Nyla79]

Like so many others here have said before me, this board is such a lifesaver. Even though I sometimes worry if I hang out here too much. It just gives me strength to get thru the days sometimes.

Yail, what you said actually made me feel better, I haven’t really thought about it like that. It seems like everyone around me are trying to rush me to a decision, and I just feel so overwhelmed with everything that I can’t decide yet.

DnJ, we didn’t have the conversation with H yet. As this event unfolded on Friday we haven’t been in touch all weekend. My girls know that she was in the picture before our separation, and they were quite hateful in their texts to their father. Calling her names and just mean. I told them that they have a right to be angry with him, but they shouldn’t let that anger linger. I told them that he is in crisis, tried to explain it the best I could so that they would understand. D12 was ok to talk about it, the D14, not so much.

H had told S10 over the weekend. I don’t think he knows she was around before separation. He seemed to be ok, he was asking if I was ok about it.

What I know now is that she is moving in with him next month. D14 refuses to go to her fathers house, D12 wants to meet with him today. She wants to talk with him. She says she feels bad if she doesn’t talk with him. I’m not so sure how that will go. I wouldn’t want them to go to his house anymore when the OW moves in, but I can’t really stop them either, can I?

Boundaries, yes.
First boundary. We will not be intimate with each other (unless you’re committed to working on our marriage ) Add the marriage part or not? Or I was thinking about saying the I feel that it is disrespectful toward everyone when we are intimate and he’s not willing to work on our marriage. Any suggestions how to word this are appreciated.

Second boundary, which I’m not sure how to do. I don’t want the OW around my kids, but if she’s moving in, how can I stop that? Other than not letting the kids go to his house.

Phone calls and interactions with H are now pleasant, he doesn’t talk about our M and I don’t ask either, so he’s not mean or disrespectful to me in those ways. So in those areas I don’t feel like I need to set boundaries.