I know exactly how you feel on the house front. My H is still very attached to it. There is a part of me that knows that with every change I make, he fits in that little bit less.
But you need your space. And that space needs to be such that you feel safe. He has his flat that he can escape to whenever things get too much. What do you have?
Last Halloween my H invited his mum and his brothers (then) girlfriend and there daughter round to the house so that they could all go trick-or-treating. I said at the time (admittedly to his mum and not to him) that it was inappropriate for him to be inviting people round to my house without speaking to me first. She understood and he has (more or less) never done it again. It is your home. He left and now does not get to invite people over to your home irrespective of whether he is on the deeds or pays the mortgage or whatever. Do you have the right to demand this. I don't know. But you have the right to request that he does the decent thing. If he doesn't then keep reiterating it. Your house. My home. Keep repeating it until it sinks in.
The thing about feelings is that they are all valid. Two different people can be part of the same interaction, but they will interpret it and feel it differently. No-one can tell you your feelings are wrong because they are your feelings. I have incredibly irrational feelings. But they are feelings all the same (I had a mini breakdown over a bottle of paprika and another more recently with discovering that he had one of my casserole dishes in his cupboard) and they are valid to me.
You are doing great hope. Keep in there. Keep finding and doing things that make you happy.
