Got a life, now what?

[97Hope]

dilly! I've read up on your sitch. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I know that I will definitely need to work on being assertive. I found a lot of comfort in your story, not that I 'want' you to be here, but feeling alone stinks!! I am glad that you have people to meet up with. That has been difficult here as we have only lived here for 3 years - population 200 - and everyone we know are mutual. ugh! But town 20 miles away I can start meeting up with people. just have to make myself do it for a time.

I've realized over the past 2 years that for most of my life I've felt like I can't feel certain things, and that my H would tell me my feelings were wrong. This has been amazing and very difficult at the same time as I am now 45 realizing that when I'm sad, angry, hurt ....whatever...that I don't have to change my feelings or apologize for them. They are mine. It's also beginning to anger me that I have allowed someone else (more than just H) to tell me that my feelings were wrong. So instead of hanging up over the past, I am noticing my feelings and not apologizing for them (even in my head I still find myself questioning my own feelings!) And focusing more on my responses. Another milestone for me, I react less and respond more. Feels liberating.

Have a slow weekend. Bank holiday monday so I'm looking forward to an extra day off this week.

Have to meet with a L. don't want to, but H is changing how the money is being handled.

He send me a text last night with a picture of a co-worker (male) at a restaurant explaining what would show up on the credit card. Felt like a crumb. I didn't pick it up.