I have a little experience of this, and I know I am much more likely to get my H involved in finding a solution for the problem if I ask for help. Maybe he has a white knight or hero complex? Maybe he just likes feeling needed and wanted? If there's any hint of me wanting to go into the causes of the problem and blame him for them, he either attacks or withdraws. Obviously your 13 yo is acting out and upset because of the state your marriage is in, and a large part of the reason for the state of your marriage is the fact your H is cheating openly. It's a no brainer. He knows that. So rather than going backwards, perhaps phrasing it a way that moves forward would be more likely to get him to work with you?
Husband, 13yo is having a really hard time at the moment. I think she's really distressed and confused. I need some help in comforting her. I'm thinking she needs some one on one time for fun with each of us. I was planning to take her out on Thursday. Do you want to take her out some other time?
