Well Curtis, you know you messed up, but what concerns me is that you don't care that you messed up. I'm not going to beat you up about it, but I will point out a few places simply b/c you didn't seem to have a clue about how she tried to show you she wasn't into what you were doing.
Call me crazy, but I don't see it very manly to ask your WW for a hug. Neither do I agree that a LBH way to his WW's heart is by showing his vulnerability to her. Just isn't what makes her go for him.
The minute you placed your hand in her hair and behind her neck, she immediately knew you were going to make a move she didn't welcome. How do I know? B/c touching her hair and putting your hand behind her neck are intimate touches. It instantly put her on guard. That's why she said, "What are you doing?"
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H: Can I have a hug? W: Sure...did you have a good birthday?
Can you see how it makes you appear weak? If not, then you won't learn from it. A husband has to appear strong to the WW, not weak, not vulnerable, and not needy. If the H shows he is vulnerable, then she feels she has to be the stronger one......and that's not what women want in their MR. The W wants a H who is stronger than she is.
It seems she tried to be nice, while turning the direction she saw this going by distracting you. So, she brings up the subject of your birthday.
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H: It was different and it was hard...but I enjoyed the time with the kids (I placed my hand in her hair behind her head and gently pulled her towards me)
Were you trying to get her sympathy, while still moving in for more physical touch?
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H: What are you thinking? (after a few seconds and moving apart slightly with my arms still wrapped around her lower back)
Just bad all the way around.
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W: We’re not there yet.
Enough said! That is all the woman needed to say. Was the message received? You tell me.
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H: I understand, we miss you (while looking her in the eyes).
What is it you understood? That she didn't welcome the physical touching, or you prying into her thoughts? When you saw she wasn't going along with you, is that when you decided to lay a big ole guilt trip on her?
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W: Who’s we? H: Me and the kids. W: They get to see me.
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H: You’re right they do. It’s late, you better go (still holding her in my arms and pulling her into me, she was not falling into me, I could tell it was not the time to press further, so I let her go)
When did you finally realize it was not the time to press further. Look Curtis, this is your W and you should be able to read her better than this. I get that her wayward mindset has thrown you, but come on. The second she asked what you were doing......you should have dropped her like a hot potato.
I said I wouldn't beat you up. So, this is me not beating you up, okay? Seriously, I want you to see what I'm trying to show you here. I don't think this interaction could be considered as her throwing you breadcrumbs.......not from my viewpoint, b/c at this particular time you were pursuing very strongly.......and told us you didn't care. Do you care that you'll have to work twice as hard to convince her she's lost you? Cause that's what it will take for her to even start to be interested.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
