Brave Little Gerda Faces the Icy Game of Reason

[Rita]

Gordie, you always leave a little gold nugget for me. In just a couple of words, you say an entire volume of things and encourage me and inspire me.

I know exactly what you meant. And you are right. I wish I didn't have to work so much to get food on the table, I wish I could be like that more often. But I need to try everyday to have some time like that.

And the funny thing is that yesterday I did put down my work and really just hang out with D10. She has been struggling a lot and I noticed that in the last few weeks as my H becomes more and more demonic, even she seems not to want to be with him anymore. And she keeps telling me about how he gets very enraged and talks about how awful I am, how I take all the money and won't give him any, etc.

So I lay on the couch with her in my arms and just listened and asked her questions.

She totally broke down, started crying like crazy but in this way I never saw before, sort of squeezing her face with her hands. She told me, "I hate Papa. He might be the worst person I ever met in my life. He’s a meanie, he’s just a meanie! A Meanie!"

I said, "I see. Did something new happen?"

D: "No."

"Are you mad because of how he is to you or because he doesn’t love me?"

D: "He doesn’t love me."

"You don’t think so?"

D: "Well, he says he loves me, he is nice to me sometimes and says nice things, but he doesn’t love me with his heart. He doesn’t live that he loves me."

"I think he loves you as much as he can right now. But I know what you mean. You want him to be in your life and be a dad."

D said, “I don’t know if he will ever love me. But he just isn't someone who can be like that now. It's part of the same thing. I don’t think he can love me unless he loves you too."