So, I went to pick up son at ex mil’s house and it brought back memories. It really feels like yesterday that I was just hanging out in her backyard by the pool. We went there so frequently and i guess I felt really nostalgic. I have to say, her backyard just felt like a really nice and very positive place. I really get what others feel when they say, “I can’t believe he/she was able to just discard it all”. I just can’t believe how it’s been 4 years, yet it still feels like it was yesterday.
I still feel really traumatized by how ex treated me. Each year it gets better. But to me, it feels like I’m getting over a really bad crime or assault. I have dreams that I am yelling at ex or yelling at ex mil. It’s not that I miss him or want him back. It’s just getting over the feeling that a crime was committed against me. That’s what I am struggling with. What’s worse is that him and his mother try to act friendly and like aquaintances and to me, it’s as if someone’s rapist is going about in society and being friendly and acting like nothing happened. I am only nice when I need something and I have no problem making that obvious.
I decided that I am going to sign up for a paid on line dating site next week. I still have to get recent pics of myself. I feel like I look so much older then I did almost 2 years ago when I signed on the 1st time. I weigh about 4 to 5 lbs more and so know that shouldn’t matter but it does to me. 5 lbs is a lot on me and i know i can lose it in a few weeks with just a really strict diet. But I’m struggling with sugars and carbs. I can go 2 days and then I binge cause of emotions. Something I never did before.
But I’m looking forward to dating. Last time around i went into it all wrong.
