Hey AS. Actually yes I really did answer my own question and yes I really am done. I'm not doing anything for a reaction from her. I'm doing what I want when I want and how I want with S1 because I want to. The only reason why I'm bringing all this to everyone's attention here, is because even though I'm confident in my decisions, it's always nice to have a second third or fourth pair of eyes of those who've gone through this with experience. It's always easier for someone else to advise someone from the outside looking in rather than the inside looking out. we both know that she is only throwing me breadcrumbs to keep me on the hook. we both know that if I was to even spend time with her and the baby this weekend it wouldn't mean anything or make a difference or change her mind.
What I'm trying to say here is in the beginning she entered my world and my frame and over the years I've gone into her world and her frame. I'm not doing it anymore I'm rebuilding my social networks and my life without her. I'm not saying she would have to meet all my terms and conditions I wouldn't expect her to, BUT... I would have to see a very big behavioral change on her part and a extremely strong desire to recommit to work on things otherwise I am out I am shutting that door, I am checked out and I'm going to follow through with it all the way to the end 100%. If she wants to have a change of heart at the eleventh hour to recommit 100% to work on things, not sell the house, go to counseling, not have a separate parenting schedule, and keep the family intact, and has any desire to Love Me Again then that's up to her. I won't settle for anything less than that. I would rather be alone, on my own terms, living my own life, doing my own thing. I completely let go of who she was. Who this version of the current person is I have no desire to be with. I'm not going to love someone who doesn't love me back and I won't accept table scraps to see if that person I once knew is still there? Nothing less than full committed to reconciliation, and that's only a starting point for me, as we all know piecing is even more work. It honestly amazes me that there are people on here that are willing to hang around for W W's and my situation is far less traumatic than theirs, and now I'm willing to walk away over far less. Even if she ever did fully commit to reconciliation I'm still not sure if I could trust her because if she could do this once she holds the potential to do it again. I don't ever want that on my conscience. It would take some serious time space and rebuilding of trust established at kind of a connection again in Trust, and I understand the door swings both ways with her on that too.
