Settling In (LB55 Thread 3)

[LB55]

I again asked for a receipt for the corrective maintenance. "What do you mean creative maintenance? You are attacking me again and I won't stand for it. What makes you think a 50/50 split of assets is going to happen? I won't consider anything until you send me in writing why you think this is appropriate."

Did you point out to her that it said "corrective" and not "creative"? I agree it was a huge overreaction, but it sounds like she just misread it.

I did not. I agree she mis-read it. However this happens quite often when she is agitated. She only hears and reads what she wants to, and doesn't actually get the information. One of her big gripes with me is that I correct her when she twists things around and puts words in my mouth. She will figure it out on her own that she is over-reacting.

When she goes looking for a fight, she will poke me like this until I lash out. I understand that I can't do that, it was never appropriate, and its not happening anymore. She isn't getting the expected response, so she is poking me harder.

I also noticed last night in our verbal conversation that she is emulating me with validation...except she doesn't know how to actually validate...
H: "I understand how you could feel that way. It must be tough dealing with all of the home repairs."
W: "I understand how you could feel that way. But you are wrong. Here is why I am right. Just accept it and this will be easier for both of us."

Did you not say earlier that she gets 100% of the proceeds from the rental properties? I'm curious why she thinks you are obligated to pay part of the maintenance on them if she reaps all of the profits? That doesn't make sense.

Yep she does. She pays for regular upkeep and so forth. Pressure washing, etc...I did agree in the temp orders that if any major repairs came up we would split the repair costs. It benefits us both in the end to keep the property up to par and rented. My problem isn't splitting the costs, its that she doesn't want to show me the data, instead demanding dollar amounts be paid while she keeps track of everything in a tracker that only she has access to.

Im not replying to her demands. Is this a let it go scenario, or a boundary setting one? 'I feel disrespected and unheard. If this tone continues, I will not continue this conversation.'

Yes I think it's both actually. Send a boundary response exactly like you described, then if she keeps sending rants then ignore them and don't reply.

Ok that makes sense. Thanks AS.