Nothing much to report on the H front. Limbo. I got the childcare schedule for June the other day and there is a six day block in the middle where he isn't seeing the girls. When I saw this I remembered that he had mentioned back in Jan that he was going to vegas with two mates in June so assumed the block is to cover that. It makes me laugh that he hasn't mentioned it since, but then thought I wouldn't notice that he wasn't seeing the girls for six days. I am not upset about it (maybe because I know it is with mates who I know/knew and got along with) but shows that he still thinks he has to 'keep things from me' even when the thing is as harmless as going for a longish weekend with friends. I guess that says more about him than me.
D12 is doing on with the counselling. Whilst I can't say she looks forward to it, there is no anxiety surrounding it anymore. She seems to be a little more relaxed generally, so I think it's been good for her to have someone external to talk to. We do not know what is being said in these sessions but as long as it is helping her, then we don't need to know. D9 is ok too but it is D9 who tends to ask the awkward questions ..
D9: Why can't daddy have a key to the house. He can't come and walk [our dog] Me: He can come whenever he wants. He just needs to let mummy know and I won't lock the bottom lock (he has a key to the top one) D9: But he should be able to get into the house. Me: Well, Daddy doesn't live here anymore. Mummy, D12 and you live here and daddy is a guest. Daddy can't just come and go as he pleases because it's not fair on mummy. Mummy doesn't have a key to daddy's flat. D9: But you don't pay for the flat. Me: Daddy doesn't pay for the house (this is true, but I didn't really want to say it).
Anyway, it was an uncomfortable conversation. I have always avoided talking about the finances with the kids.
I have arranged to meet someone off the OLD site. We are going climbing next week. I am not sure how long I will stay on the site. I seem to get a lot of men in their 20's wanting to strike up conversations (these get discounted pretty quick) and those few conversations I've had seem a little 'false'. It is the opposite of here ... here you bare your soul. There everything is curated to be as light and 'fun' as possible. Example: "how was your weekend?", "good thanks - chilled out mostly. You?". It doesn't feel real. I will stick with it for a month and see how it goes.
