Ok so I'm confused here. I don't see how to validate her telling me how I feel when I don't feel that way. If she said "I feel like you hate me." I can validate that because its her feelings. "I know you hate me." is not her feelings. How does she know I hate her? She can't possibly know what's in my head. The latter seems like the psychological concept of projection to me. She hates herself, but would rather have me agree because then its not her fault.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
I get what you are saying, technically "I know you hate me" is expressing mind-reading rather than feelings. But keep in mind you are dealing with someone that is highly emotionally charged right now. So here are two scenarios:
Non-validating:
I know you hate me. No, I don't hate you. Yes you do, I can tell. No I don't, why do you think that. I can tell you hate me. Etc. etc. etc. ARGUMENT!
OR... validating:
I know you hate me. You think I hate you, that sounds very frustrating, I'm sorry that our situation makes you feel that way. Oh. Well maybe "hate" is a strong word. The whole idea of validation is to diffuse the situation before it escalates. You're not AGREEING with what she is saying, but more importantly, you are not DISAGREEING.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
