Welcome to this corner of the world, SoTorn. I didn't read your posts in newcomers because I don't go back there anymore, so I appreciate the info in your first post here.
You said near the end of your most recent post "even though my family is over". I hope this doesn't sound harsh when I say this, but I think that attitude is kind of unhealthy. Your family is not over. You still have children and you can still have an amazing relationship with them and be the best dad you can be. Your family as you once knew it that included your XW is over, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Your family is not over, it has just changed. Continue working on yourself and being a good dad. Work on those things that are important - yourself and your kids. You got this!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids