Thank you for the free validation lessons! I am chuckling at the amount of strike-throughs, I obviously need to tighten things up and limit the words.
Couple follow-up Q's:
1. How do you handle longer conversations? Validation seems to work best in small doses -- the longer the convo runs, the more validation can start to sound hollow and robotic.
W: I'm upset. Me: I'm sorry you are upset. W: I'm upset that you never listen. Me: It must be frustrating to feel like you are not being heard. W: I try to tell you about my day and you're always on your phone. Me: ???
2. How do you handle direct questions that don't really express a feeling, but obviously have an undertone? Do you try to deflect into a conversation about her feelings? For instance, would this be an appropriate response:
W: Did you write me a letter? Me: No I can see that you are upset about not receiving a letter. Is that right? W: I'm not upset. Me: OK, can you tell me more?
3. Some conversations do not call for validation ("Is it supposed to rain today?"), some obviously do ("I can't stand when you XYZ") and some are unclear, but could be traps ("Did you fold the laundry like I asked?")
How do you handle the traps? Do you go straight to the feeling validation, or test the waters first?
W: Did you fold the laundry like I asked? Me: Not yet. W: OK No problem Wow, big surprise. Me: I can see you are disappointed.
