A Real Mess Pt.2

[si13]

There's the rub indeed. I'm still too fresh not to care. Working on it but my W is trying hard to keep me stirred up.

Last night she told me all about her new email, computer and some other things that she was given at work acknowledging her sort of promotion within her workplace, at least being recognized. I congratulated her, said I was proud, but didn't go over the top. She asked if I was jealous??!!!! I didn't know where this was going but I soon figured it out. I reassured her I was very proud of her hard work.

She then stopped me later before we went to bed and said, why didn't you seem happier for me when I told you about my new things at work? I said, what do you mean? She said well I just feel like my sisters, family and friends would have been a lot happier to congratulate me. (In my mind I was thinking, well they weren't just deceived AGAIN about whether or not you're faithful to them in marriage).

She brought up a time when I was insecure years ago and she had begun doing music for church and I didn't pay much attention to her. She could feel my indifference then, jealousy and disinterest.

I told her I was sorry for that time, but this was different. Especially because I came back inside from playing with our kids and congratulated her AGAIN to say how proud I was!!!

WTF is she getting at? If you don't want to be with me, why do you care about whether or not I recognize you?????

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I decided tonight I will express my desire for a boundary. Going to say, I will continue to give you the time and space you need, find yourself, find your voice. But what I won't do is be your Plan B or be in an open marriage. This kind of disrespect I will not tolerate and quite frankly it concerns me that it is so easy for you to lie to me.

I told her this morning I'd like to speak with her tonight. She then asked a few minutes later, "Is this a scary talk?"