LH19,

I did jump at it. I really jumped at the "hope we can talk" bit. It was the first sign of life in awhile. I'm a sucker.

It was really odd for her to suggest a talk. My GAL activities were fairly benign, maybe 30-60 minutes a few nights going off to do something. I think I should have her come to me to talk, not vice versa.

Originally Posted by LH19
U: You sound disappointed. Is that how you feel?
W: yes it makes me feel like you don't care
U: I'm sorry that I made you feel that way.
W: why did I not get one.
U: I have sent you letters in the past and they weren't well received


OK I really need to work on this, but I have some follow up questions:

1. "U: I'm sorry that I made you feel that way." - Would it be better to say "I'm sorry that you feel that way"? (Don't want to validate her claim that I am making her feel a certain way)

2. "U: I have sent you letters in the past and they weren't well received" - Sounds like defensiveness which I am very cautious about (it is a 180 for me). I tried working out how to deal with this below:

Another test run (imaginary):

W: Why did I not get one?
U: I can understand how you would feel upset. It certainly was not my intent to upset you, or make you feel left out.
W: (eyeroll) Then what was your intent?
U: Recently when I wrote you a letter before a trip, I was not sure how you felt about it. Without any feedback, I thought maybe you wanted some space.
W: Whatever. You are being weird and distant.
U: I would like to understand more why you feel this way. I genuinely would like to know how you felt about my prior letter.
W: You wrote the kids letters and not me. That's messed up.
U: It sounds like you are hurt and would have liked a letter too like the previous time. Is that right? I will keep that in mind next time I have a trip. Thank you for sharing, it is very helpful.
W: Whatever. Stop playing games with me and the kids
U: I'm sorry you feel that way, it was not my intent. You mentioned you were hurt by S7's reaction to the letters. That must have been really hard to hear. I will talk to S7 about this, so we can be united as parents.
W: blah blah blah
U: Maybe we can talk more another time, I need to go XYZ...