Just being introspective this morning and journaling some thoughts and feelings. I am away at work for the week, and at times I miss S1, but it comes and goes. What I am thinking a lot about is social circles, my purpose, worldly things and experiences, being happy, being lonely, and living a balanced life with purpose.
I went and sought out a nice hilltop restaurant last night by myself, without my work colleagues, had a spectacular view, a nice meal, and some decent conversation about life, beer, and places with two of the bar tenders which were a younger man and woman.
I have always known this about myself since I was about 18, from all my prior relationships, that I date, I pursue relationships, and get involved with women because I enjoy the experiences of getting to know someone, and something new. Sometimes the dates are a good fit, sometimes they are not. That's ok though. I have always kept a small handful of friends, and they have wives, lives, and families, and are not much of a extended social circle. I need to expand that more with my interests, involving a good balance of men and women relationships and activities.
I think a lot of us sometimes wind up going through the motions, responsibilities of life, get bogged down, and more importantly, BORED. I guess we all want more experiences don't we? Every time I have lost a relationship, not only was it the relationship, but the experiences, and social circles as well. Women are fortunate and lucky going through a divorce, that they typically have more of an expanded social circle, and support to fill in the gaps of loneliness, purpose and time
Which leads me to my next thoughts. What this is about is feeling satisfied and having contention. I think people leave marriages because they are bored with their lives, because of their expectations they had of the other person didn't turn out to what they thought it would be. Or they feel like they're not living there full purpose in life, and they need to do so outside of the marriage, or break away from the marriage. Where my maturity kicks in, is you can have a ton of wonderful experiences in your life, live a rockstar studded awesome life, having different experiences with different people, doing different things, go traveling possibly abroad, and although it can shape you're life, I know from past experiences, which I have had many of, it can leave you everytime at a present place of feeling "NOW WHAT!?" "WHAT'S NEXT!" WHAT DO I WANT TO DO NEXT!? For the WW I'm sure it's "Who do I want to do next?" Lol....
So? I recognise this in my WAW, and in myself. That we are both looking for different experiences in life apart, to give ourselves, our purpose, and our lives meaning. Here is what I struggle with though. I know im mature enough to realize that these experiences, even though they may shape us, will always be passing, and that contention comes from being satisfied with oneself, being comfortable in our own skin, being secure in who we are and where we are, and having contention connection, and satisfaction in relating to people, and usually having a healthy source of such.
