During text exchange with W on Sunday, when she was upset I wrote my kids letters and not her, we had the following exchange - slightly paraphrased to avoid Google matching. I'd like some feedback here as I know I blew it on validation, but also this was a text exchange (not verbal) while I was mid-transit traveling and I was spinning:
W1: I get that you don't want to write me. You have been distant for awhile! <Details of doing GAL stuff at night...> Anything to avoid me. It's fine. I don't really get it. I hope we can talk soon. Me1: Actually I want to be closer to you. I'm a bit frustrated that I don't know how. You seem distant to me. W2: I certainly don't expect you to write me after all your distance. Me2 (responding to W1, not W2, due to text lag): I also hope we can talk soon. I don't think we are communicating well. I love you and I want this to work.
End of exchange...
I know I failed to validate here, but want to go back and learn so I can be better prepared next time. I shared my feelings instead of validating hers. Major slip.
The distance accusations are really baffling, and have thrown me for a loop. W has stopped saying ILY, or any non-hug affection, for months. I spend a few nights doing hobbies and suddenly I'm distant.
I can tell she's less upset about the distance than about writing her a letter. It's so weird. The last time I wrote her a letter before I left, she said nothing. She didn't say, "Thanks" or "I liked your letter" or anything. I thought a letter would be pressure. Honestly, I thought it would do more harm than good.
Maybe she's just upset that my kids noticed it, and she thinks I'm demonstrating "splitting" behavior (because remember I might have a PD in her mind).
I don't know, such a fog to wade through. I haven't tried to reply further as it's been a few days, although I understand I didn't validate her feelings, or address the letter issue.
