I feel you are attaching too much importance to the BD. In your case you already have the benefit of knowing what others usually figure out only after the BD. Other than that why is the BD important to you? You have to focus on detach and DB for your sake. That should not change whether you are pre-BD or post-BD.
The emotional roller coaster of trying to cope with life after divorce is tough and will take time for you to heal. Don't confuse that with the DB actions. The detaching and focusing on yourself should start now and not change with BD. Hope this helps
MLCxH - I was doing well until W reacted so strongly on Sunday. Now I’m away for a week and barely getting a chance to talk to my kids. It hurts what she is doing. I’m spun out I agree. I need to get back on the path.
BD is important because I feel like the pressure keeps mounting and my W is going to just act more unpredictably and angrily until it happens. I’m working on NGS (esp. my conflict avoidance) but this sitch is like a Little Leaguer playing in the World Series for me. That’s how I feel. I feel like I want to tear off the Band Aid and just get moving already if that’s what she wants.
I also have a lot of fear about the BD to be honest. Given her mindset, what might she attempt? Financial trickery? 100% custody? RO? Stealing things? It’s nuts.
I know I need to be 1000% stronger. And the way is by getting back to what I was doing. It helped when my kids were around. PMA most importantly. GAL. Define my 180s more clearly.
Her reaction spun me for a loop. I thought we might be making progress, she mentioned talking for the first time in months. I see now she was just angry and now giving me the silent treatment while I am away. I’m trying not to read too much into it. Maybe the space and time will help Reduce some of the tension. I don’t know. I’m tired of having to think about every little thing I’m doing or saying.
