I feel ya Uni about this being your new reality, about being lonely, my 10th anniversary would have been Aug 13th. I'm also away from my S1 on business too. Its [censored]. It really [censored]. But?.. I'm not about to sit in a frikken motel wondering WTH happened to the W that I married? As much as I want to. As much as it hurts I us, its their choice to leave. I'm not playing with that anymore. They can go find themselves, F@$! Themselves or Fondle themselves. I've done everything in my power to attempt to make things work for the last 7 months. Im done. If I have to go out alone, see new place an and explore to feel normal for a few hours then I intend to do just that. I kmow who I am, what I am, and what I am worth, and if it isn't good enough for W to want to stay? That's on her. I'm not going to hang around in seperation limbo for two years or more for anyone. If they are going to push to let us go, then damn the consequences. Im nobody's plan b.
Sometimes I react indirectly to posts. Something in a post will trigger a random thought train.
I feel myself letting go quite a bit from my W. It is a huge effect of this pre-BD limbo. Not trying to work on issues for months, instead planning out a D, has me detaching quite a bit emotionally. I’m sure her story is that I have kept making mistakes along the way. I don’t know. At some point, it’s not all me, and she has chosen not to attempt to work on things together. It is her choice. She thinks life w/o me will be happier for her. No point arguing.
So what am I holding onto? Is it my W? Or is it the illusion of happy married life? Or is it the financial ease of married life vs. the difficulties I will face as a D’d dad with 3 kids in an expensive area of the country? Is it the fear of being a single dad? A fear of not having that built in family support system? Am I acknowledging to myself that I took my W for granted a bit, and post-M my life is going to be more difficult?
