You absolutely need to accept that shes gone. Its already over. Focus on yourself. Its absolutely not your fault. Also, she may or may not see the value in pursuing you or try and repair your MR. My EXWW is way to proud and NPD to even admit that she has done something wrong.
Nothing matters but what she wants. All of us here admit to our half of the relationship, but we continue to better ourselves. The WAS don't do that. They don't care. They keep walking the other way. I am sure they notice they are losing us, but some of them don't care enough to stop that from happening.
However, even if you end up D like me, there is still light at the end of the tunnel. I am now in full control of myself and have zero desire or care in the world for how my EXWW percieves me. I know who I am and what I deserve and that is all that matters. I have been awake now for months. This guy ST is an amazing man. I am an amazing catch and no matter what my EXWW says, I know that I worked extremely hard for what I have, for my family and for my kids. I was there for everyone all the time.
I will still be there 100% for my kids, because they deserve that. All of this self work and learning to be completely self reliant has paid off greatly as I will be perfectly comfortable living on my own and striving for my own goals.
ST - I’m definitely jumping between the 5 stages of grief. Sometimes I feel acceptance, then I lose it, back to anger, denial, depression, etc. This cycling happens multiple times a day and it’s unpredictable.
My W also is very proud. Or maybe it’s not about admitting any fault - maybe she just sees herself being happier without me. I wish she would just come out and say it. This pre-BD situation is awful - I’m supposed to be deaf, dumb, and blind, act like a “normal” husband, not talk about anything. At least post-BD some of this fakery would be gone. We would have to start working out how we are going to move on with co-parenting our kids, etc. I know D will be devastating on many levels, but this pre-BD limbo just flat-out suuuuuuuccccckkkkkks.
Your positive attitude and results are inspiring. I am honestly terrified of my new single life. 3 small kids. living in a very expensive area I will downgrade from a nice house to probably a small apartment for at least a year or two. But... I will also have free time to GAL.
