You will be walking at least two different paths at the same time.
1) Divorced. Plan on this one. Accept it.
2) Reconcile. Make all the positive changes you can as quickly as you can. Every interaction with W is an oppertunity to show the "new you".
It is important for you to come up with a plan. Lay out the plan here. Let us give you input. Revise your plan. Repeat this process a few times until you have it solid.
I am a firm believer that children need both of their parents frequently involved in their lives. This is 50/50 parenting. You parenting rights are yours to loose during this. Standing up for this is on you. I did not leave the marital home until I had a 50/50 parenting plan in writing. This went against my lawyers advise. His staff understood why I was not moving out. I did not want the house, she did.
I saw the temptation to drink, but I refrained. I did not want to give any ammo to the opposition.
You can handle this
Thank for this R2C
1) is something I hadn’t really gone near until last couple of days. I have only ever seen path 2) as an option. Probably because D was way too scary to look for. Now the idea has come and found me I am trying to stare at i, sit next to it and see a world that is a distinct reality post D. It’s tough to stare it down but I know I cannot be afraid of it. The comfortable with it I am, the more likely 2) may happen. This has been my focus over the last 24/48 hours, Lots of breath8ng sand trying to be still and in the moment, Reading is helping if nothing more than helping me to sleep.
Emailed W today about having D9 stay with me more often now she is more comfortable, She is happy about it. D9 enjoys spending time with me here but I think is understandably resistant because she wants her parents together. Any contested custody would likely be based on current arrangements. Looking. To get 3 overnights at the moment if my work allows it. I see her coming out of her shell when she has spent time with me - both lifts and breaks my heart.
I feel the same about children needing both parents. It seems to me that the a lot of people whose parents divorced end up following the same path. They use the ‘they’ll get over it’ and ‘didn’t do me any harm’ lines without any irony. The regret of leaving D9 hurts. Especially as W appears to be growing colder not just with me, Reasons for condemning of heart are probably many but I can’t see in there so there’s little point I trying,
If she is mlc, and is following the script, I guess it’s possible there is an EA. Proof may be hard to come by though. If I had any that would result in an instant return to the MB.
As for a plan. Prepare for 1) (new to me) and hope (and prepare for) 2), is it at the moment. I still feel I need more time or more info to cut short this temporary separation I (now think mistakenly) agreed to.
It seems to me that preparing for 1) or 2) are very similar in DB. Detach, GAL, 180 and patience.
