I like to be prepared in advance and not be blindsided (like I have been so far) so I started working on "scripts" in my mind. I was wondering, if the request for a D comes (maybe it does, maybe it doesn't), what is the right response?
If it comes to that, what I really want is to counter with a 1 year separation and give more space/time for this process to run it's course (and let her see it's not me causing all this pain/agony).
Here's the script in my head as it stands:
W: "I want a D" Me: "That is something very big, I need time to think about this. I'll let you know when I'm done thinking about it." 5-10 days later..... Me: I've thought about it. We can talk when you're ready. W: (whatever she says) Me: "I think D is a last resort option. I understand you want to be away from me. I propose a 1 year separation from each other and then we can see where we are. We can separate our finances now." W: (Whatever she says) Agree/Disagree
If she agrees, great (I don't have a disagree script at all yet). This is my script for agree: Me: "I think you should move out. We have a year still on our lease, our birds drive you crazy with their noise and can't go to an apartment, and you need a fresh space that doesn't remind you of all this. You can take one of the beds, one of the TV's and any of your stuff." (do I allow her to keep anything in the house if it doesn't fit where she's going? We have big furniture)
Should I let her visit the birds? WAS reach out to animals first to test the waters right? Let her keep a key so she can visit them (and notice I'm functioning fine without her, and without "me being there" pressure?)
My goal is to delay, leave her alone and let the process run it's course (trying to do that now, but there is overlap with our routines - like cooking, eating together and sleeping in same bed). I'm hoping the space I'm giving now will be enough, but if A is happening or will happen..... then 1 year separation is best for me.
I'm detaching, that is very obvious to me (but it's in a loving way, not cold or cruel).... still a long way to go, but that process has absolutely started.
I don't want a D.... I want her to get thru this, remember, and then make her choice...... whichever way that goes.
