Married couple from Scandinavia

[BenB]

Something happened today. We had a R talk. I know it´s not supposed to happen but I couldn´t help it.

We decided to try a new restaurant that opened next to us instead of making food at home. When we ordered the food I sensed tension for the first time in weeks. She looked unhappy and bored, almost depressed as she sat there in front of me. I didn´t want to initiate a conversation which I hadn´t in a long time now but I felt I had to say something this time.

Me: Are you ok?
W: Yes, why? (acting like nothing)
Me: You seem tensed
W: It´s nothing, I thought to myself that I´m not gonna initiate a conversation this time, let´s see how long it takes until he says something. It´s always me who initiates conversations! And now when I´m tired and not saying anything, you think I´m being weird! (she was getting frustrated).

Me: I´m sorry you think that about me. I did not think you are weird at all. Something seemed to be bothering you so I asked. This is also to give you the chance to let me know if something is on your mind.

When I said this she calmed down, but I could still sense there was something on her mind. I know her so well and know how terrible she is to initiate certain conversations out of fear that they might ruin the mood. But I still asked -

Me: Do you still want to move out?
W: I don´t know. Or, no - I don´t want to move out. It´s scary to think about. But I don´t know what else we can do. Nothing has changed these past weeks. No ups or downs, just us being together at home. So perhaps if I get to experience living alone I might realize what I´m missing. But I think only for a month(we had previously talked about her moving out for 2-3 months). And we should still see each other during that month! I don´t know if that will help but at least it´s a new approach.

I thought of what she said, then thought of this forum. Believe nothing she says and 50% of what she does? So what lie is this? Could she be having an EA and see this as a opportunity to evolve to PA? Am I thinking the worst possible scenario by thinking that? I thought of something else I read, that W don´t move out for space, they move out to sleep with other men. So what is the right thing to do here? Or could she be telling the truth?

She also knows that by moving out for just a month, she would need me to pay for the apartment that month since she can´t afford it. Eventually she has to move back and somehow figure out the next to impossible task of finding her own apartment(again, this is very difficult in the city we live in). She then asks me how I feel about this. I paus for a few seconds -

Me: I feel that I don´t want to be with someone who does not want to be with me
She quickly interrupts and raises her voice slightly: That´s not where I am!! I am hoping we will work this out! I just don´t know when!
Me: Of course not, there is no timeline to this.
W: That is why I´m suggesting me moving out. It just feels like that´s the only thing that might work to wake me up from this.
Me: Maybe, I´m not sure it´s that easy though.
W: But that´s how I´ve always worked. If I can´t have something, I will miss it and want it.

She then starts asking about MLC since she has googled and we talk about it for a few minutes. I mention to her that I´m surprised she is so interested in the subject. She responds "it´s so interesting to listen to you since you always read and learn so much about everything. Since she already knew so much, I felt I can say a bit more than I´m supposed to. So I add "Of all the things I´ve read, I´ve yet to read about anyone moving out and things working out because of that".

I should add, I am completely calm during this conversation. She is usually calm as well but seems slightly emotional which I rarely see from her. I think to myself that it´s a bit weird to discuss these things with her so I say "Perhaps we should save the rest for MC tomorrow".

W: Yeah


The rest of the evening was tension free. We watched our favorite show when we came home, laughed and I could tell she seemed more comfortable.

So as you can read from all this, I did a lot of things I´m not supposed to based on what I´ve learned so far. Was this bad? Didn´t feel wrong?