Settling In (LB55 Thread 3)

[LB55]

Are these texts or in person convos?

Best is no response.

"I was looking through our wedding pictures, and you didn't look happy when you were walking with me down the aisle. This is just another sign that we weren't meant to be together."

"I am much happier now"

"I know that you are angry."

"Please don't tell me how I feel. If you want to know ask. I will tell you"

"I know that you hate me."

"I am sorry you feel that way"

"I know that your family hates me."

"They are disappointment that we didn't work out"

"I know that you were never happy."

"Yup. Much happier now"

They are included in any conversation we have. Her preferred method is electronic, because she is more comfortable telling me things that way. During our conversation in the driveway the other night she told me that she knows I hate her, my family hates her, etc.

I don't want her to tell me how I feel, I want her to ask me how I feel. This is a key for me to know that anything has changed in our dynamic. She doesn't care how i feel right now, she knows how she thinks i feel.

As I look back on our 15 years, this has been mostly a constant. "I know there is something bothering you", "I know you are upset", "I know you are mad at me", "I know that you didn't fix my car because you don't think I'm a priority", I could go on and on.

That type of statement really puts me on the defensive, because most times its not what I think or feel. Working on my non-defensive listening skills, and I am no longer trying to justify my position or feelings when she does this, but I need to set this boundary to help me have more effective communications.