My stand on confrontation is to have a plan of action before you even consider approaching her. If you don't know what you want her to do, then I suggest you not confront. Know what you want from her, and if she won't cooperate, then be prepared to take some sort of action (no DV sort of action).

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She asked if there was anything I wanted for transparency. She asked if I wanted her to leave. I told her those weren't decisions I was ready to make right then.


It seems as if she practically laid it out for you. She asked if there was anything you needed to show you proof. She asked if you wanted her to leave. Your answer was that you weren't ready to make those decisions right now? Then why the heck did you confront her? To have a WW respond this way is very rare, and you lost a great opportunity. I don't mean to knock Ready's quotes, but using the "I'll have to think about it" or "I'm not ready to make those decisions right now"...... are fine as a response when she throws something at you and catches you off guard. IMHO, it's not the appropriate response to use if you confront your WW......b/c you went into the confrontation expecting her to cooperate or not to cooperate. Either way, you have to be ready with a plan of action.

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And then just like that she was back to her manipulative little ways.


Sure, b/c she saw an indecisive man who didn't know what he wanted. If you are not going to have boundaries, then she isn't going to respect any.

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I'll admit I thought being discovered (again) would provide some sort of awakening like what have I been doing?


I wish LBH's would get this idea out of their heads that they are going to say something that will shock their W awake. This idea has proven time after time that the H is not going to say something that will cause her to smack her forehead and suddenly become her old self again. The closest thing I've seen that works (and it's not words, it's action) is when the H is walking away. When he is dumping her, and she knows he means business. He can't do as some type of pretense or gamble. She'll recognize what he's trying to do if he tells her, "I'm packing my bags........I'm walking to the door....... I'm opening the door.......I'm stepping through the door, have you awaken yet?"

I suggest that when you feel the urge to confront, you discuss it with the board first. Give it a two or three days, at least, if possible, okay?

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!