Uni. Here's a possible reverse scenario of looking at it. What if W wants to talk, and is concerned with distance because she notices the behavorial change, and she wants to assess if she still has you on the hook or not? Remember they need to justify THEIR BD ACTIONS AND THEIR WAFFLING FEELINGS TO THEMSELVES that they are making the right choice to leave. Guess who they seek out to justify those feelings? MC. Divorced people, like minded people, affair partners, people who write books empowerment stuff having to do with divorce. They will seek all means to justify their feelings and behaviors with validation.
I'm just saying all my R talks, all my hopes, all my worry and discussion efforts in the last 7 months did was what everyone here said it would do. It cemented their feelings, thoughts and positions. It justified it. I've heard it from the horse's mouth, believe me.
They are F@$#ING CRAZY Uni. Even the good ones... Don't entertain crazy, don't take full ownership for someone else's crazy. Ever. Own up to your mistskes once and only once, and change them for you. Your words to them doesn't mean anything, and don't accept anything less from them then "I want to work on the M, can we work this out" from her. Don't entertain breadcrumbs, half a$$ commitments, temp checks, etc. I know the silence and distance is killing you, and you feel you are making things worse. Truth is its going to have to probably get way worse to get better...Give her so much space that she has to fear losing you, and you no longer fear losing her. Silently work on you for you. If she comes to you to tell check, just validate. If you were dating her for a week, would you put up with this B.S.?
Its like this..... They get these nagging feelings that something is wrong with the relationship months if not years before BD. They can't put a justified reason to the feelings, so they take our flaws, and some of our issues within the R and start making up $hit in their heads to justify the feelings to turn cold, drop ILYBIANILYYA, say I need space, I need to find myself, you're emotionally abusive, you don't wear the right clothes, you are too apathetic, you don't pay enough atention to me, you don't help enough around the house...Yadayadayada..etc... To justify to themselves enough to muster up to leave, and that they are better off without you. They start imagining a life without you, and it starts to look more attractive to them for whatever reason. More money, more security, more freedom, another romantic interest in EA PA..Its better off for the kids that I'm happy, etc..((Insert your reason here.)
At this time, They are probably not going to take barely any ownership of failures that they contributed to the downfall of the M, re-write M history, and place all the blame on you on why they are feeling this way. They will say, I am reacting this way as a result of your previous behaviors. They have been silently sitting on these feelings for months, if not years, out of fear that if they are going to announce something this drastic, that they are done, then they want to be and feel validated and sure of themselves by other people's validation, because they don't trust their own decisions and feelings. So what and whom they seek, does nothing but reenforces this. Hence why they say in the beginning, "I'm confused I need space" and they start hanging around MC individually, and divorced people. They may not be happy with themselves and their life and how it turned out. They may not be happy with you. They don't know the real reason why they aren't happy. So they have to assign meaning and validity to it. All I know is that they want to flee, and they want change. They're feelings is what drew them into you, and is now what is drawing them away from you. There's an old saying that the one who loves to least controls the relationship. So your mission is twofold you have to become so attractive to her that you attract her back that you are a better option than leaving. You have to love her even less then she loves you, and love yourself even more to regain your strength to work on you. Let her go. You need yourself and your well being more than you need her. I could be right? I could be wrong in my theories.
I find it ironically amusing that they are comparative with our behavioral assessments. But I've been watching there's too and I see a pattern. Try this as an experiment. I want you to look at a picture of you and your W from early on in the R. I'm willing to bet that's some of these earlier pictures contain her putting her arm around you in the picture, smiling happy. It's almost as if when you look at the picture, they are saying " Hey everyone look what I caught, and look what I have, I've got my man!" Now I want you to look at a picture of the two if you, that's closest to BD. I'm willing to bet that picture expresses something along the lines of " I am unhappy and I don't know why and I can't wait to get away from him.". Something else I forgot to mention ever notice that they're the ones in the beginning of our relationship to pursue you more, love you more try harder to appease you excetera. And you are just like hey this is great but are indifferent to it. Ever noticed that when they are the ones leaving you are the one that's pursuing them more, loving them more because you're realizing the loss and acting all insecure?
Again these are just theories of mine, you can take them or leave them.
