Why do the complaints about distance need you to adjust course? You can’t 180 her every complaint. You’re not her puppet. You 180 things you need to change like being needy and clingy.
You don’t need to show her you care! She knows! If you have this talk that your searching out, I don’t care if you rehearse 100 times when it goes sideways, and it will you are going to have a meltdown. When she says I love you but I’m not in love with you and I know I’ll never find someone who loves me the way you love me you’re gonna go into panic mode. Mike Tyson has a saying “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face”.
LH19 -
You can tell I am struggling to find that balance. At one extreme, needy and clingy. At the other, being distant. And I'm in denial - I'm still holding onto that rope.
I don't think she knows I care. I think she's lost in a fog of anger and resentment, projecting who knows what onto me. She's unhappy, she's soul-searching, I don't know. It [censored].
She has barely said anything of substance to me in almost 2 months. Her complaint about my distance was a change. Maybe it was just a ripple of anger, and I should expect more of the same. But it was something.
She also complained I was distant last fall when I stopped my clingy behavior. Maybe I can find a better balance. Maybe I can show her I am not that person that vacillates between clingy and distant. I don't know, I should probably throw logic out the window.
I know I need to distance myself to protect myself emotionally. I take all the advice here to heart, I know I'm being told this advice for good reason, and I should not throw caution to the wind.
My needs are not being met. Part of this DB process so far has been realizing that I have not been happy for awhile, but I've been going through the motions as well. My hope is just to get some traction so we can get into MC and at least give this a few months to try to work out. I think this is our only path to recon. If we go through S or D, given my W's personality as well as mine, I highly doubt recon would be on the table.
Originally Posted by LH19
When your w questions you about distancing your answer should be “ I need time and space to figure out what I want and need in this relationship”. Yes believe it or not your needs matter too.
Right - so why not take this opportunity to speak to her directly, if she is open to it?
Knowing full well that I might be facing Iron Mike, and immediately regret my poor decision...
