IH... Really great advice here. I think you are in a really crucial point in your R and what you do now is going to set the stage for what is to come. I think you can be there for your family but also find ways to GAL. You don’t need to be out every night but try to aim for 2 to 3 nights at first. Just get out... give your W space... act as if... make her wonder a bit and be curious about who you are. At this point, she thinks she knows everything there is to know about you. I know you don’t feel like being away from her right now which is exactly why you should be. Force yourself. Find ways to laugh again. Stop focusing on your W and what she is doing. It sounds to me like she has told you where she is at emotionally but hasn’t fully checked out yet. She will if you continue to stay around the house and demonstrate your neediness. That is WAY TOO MUCH pressure. Take the pressure off. Show her, and yourself, that you will be just fine whether she chooses to stay or go. Human beings are complicated but also simple... we always want what we can’t have...or think we can’t. We also aren’t too attracted to a “sure thing”...especially a sure thing that will put up with our bad behaviour. That is where the loss of respect comes in.
Honestly... I forced myself for the longest time to GAL. I had a New Year’s party even though it was the last thing I felt like doing. I said “yes” to every invitation I got to do something with someone else. I went to my staff party when I didn’t want to go. I started exercising more...went on a vacation with my kids and my STBXH H’s mother. My STBXH had an OW and as soon as he admitted it to me, it made GAL that much easier. I had no choice. Also, once I knew for sure that my future is not going to include my STBXH, I decided to start dating. I went on seven first dates with really nice guys who did wonders for my self esteem and also addressed my secret fear that I would not ever be seen as attractive by anyone again. Now I’m dating someone exclusively who may not turn out to be Mr. Right but he has definitely added to my life and I am enjoying being affectionate with him and having that affection returned. That is something that was not happening with my STBXH who had basically been ignoring me for four years. I strongly believe in marriage, loyalty and commitment which is why I put up with him for so long. GAL and detaching enabled me to see, finally, that he is not that same kind of person and probably will never be.
Just do the best you can and focus on you and your kids right now. Let your W do what she needs to do and stop chasing after her. You will be glad you did no matter what the outcome. (((HUGS)))
