Midlife wife crisis6

[sandi2]

I just feel like with my w I need to pursue, I won’t by the advice on here. It’s so hard to imagine attracting someone without pursuing. When I think how I won my w back in college I had to pursue.

Of course you pursued her before you married her. That is a natural instinct for men. But once she loses respect in you as a man/husband.......everything changes.

I don't think your W is having a MLC. Some of her actions toward having more youthful appearances might cause you to think so, but the same can be said for a WW, too.

I think you M a very spoiled, self-centered, manipulative woman. You picked up where her parents left off and spoil her even more. And the entire time, you resented having to do all the work while your spoiled W wouldn't lift a hand. It seem no matter what you tried, she would not share in the responsibilities that come with having a home and raising children. She's not going to change with you as her H, b/c you can't understand & accept how she is......and she expects everyone to treat her like she's special. I mean, she has the audacity to ask aren't you going to clean the floors (or whatever)? This is the type of female that only a very Alpha male would know how to put her in her place, and she would NEVER try to pull that cr@p on him again. He would get that little spoiled brat straighten out the first time her sense of entitlement surfaced. There are two types men you'll find in this kind of MR. He'll either be a strong Alpha, or her victim.

You have a serious situation that I don't know if you are really aware, and I'm talking about the dynamic between you, your W and your daughter. Maybe your son, as well, but you just haven't written much about him. Here's the thing. Your daughter has some unusual attachment issues tied to her mother. And mother expects you to show up and take care of any discipline if she has a problem with daughter. So, guess who the bad guy is? Also, I think there are little things that happen you don't catch. Like when you saw daughter whisper something to your W, and the W says little D is worried you will use her drinking and use it to take the kids away. That sounded very staged, IMHO. I think your W sets you up, and you don't see through it.

The night she started throwing her tantrum and overturning tables.....acting like Real Housewives of NJ, is when you might have prevented future violent behavior, by keeping the evidence for the authorities. She knew the second she saw you grab your phone that she had messed up big time. But as always, you were busy going back & forth between child and wife, trying to calm everyone down. I think the biggest problem for you is that you desperately want to believe your W will respond like a normal, loving, rationally-minded wife. Maybe you have lived in denial all these years, while she steadily grew worse. She is very manipulative, and I wouldn't be surprised if she had a lot to do with your D's problem.........and especially, in how your D feels toward you. I think there is much more that you haven't shared, which is understandable. ((hugs)) Frankly, considering how easily your W comes unhinged, I would be concerned about how it affects, and will continue to affect, the kids.

Actually, once the D is final, I think your W will depend on you to keep the kids most of the time. She just has to save face with her friends, currently, and later she will make up some defense for why they are with their dad most of time. Once you are really out of the house for good, and she can't manipulate you to do or pay for the work that needs to get done around there......and the kids refuse to help......she'll start turning on them. But first, she'll get you to handle any problems she has with the kids......just as you've done in the past.

So, my advice about your sitch is to forget about working on the MR. Don't move back into the house. Do whatever necessary to protect your finances. Get whatever professional help your children need. Let go of the emotional rope you have tied to your W, b/c she will manipulate for the rest of your days if you don't get wise to her ways. You should be so lucky if she has nothing more to do with you!

Sorry if my words are painful. I have read the many posts to you from others, and it's been hard for you to follow their advice. You have a lot of fear, but I don't think you are being totally honest (maybe with yourself) about the reasons behind the fear (except maybe the child support). Like I said, maybe you are in denial about some things concerning your W. You seem like a good and decent person. It angers me to see decent human beings hurt by spoiled, manipulative people who only think about what benefits them.

My grandmother use to tell me, "Beauty is as beauty does". I encourage you to consider a woman's attitude and actions as much as her outward attractiveness.