Complex WW and/or MLC #3

[P_Jam]

LH !!

We agree again! I think you're starting to read into my sitch (actually reading me) quite well. I'm fit, attractive, financially successful, anything but lazy and although I agree there are some nice guy issues I don't really see myself as a beta either. Most would not consider me beta at all. That being said; I do recognize that I treated my W differently than most of my outward personality to others. Furthermore, I had a VERY SIGNIFICANT ISSUE for 12 months last year at my last company... it tore me to my emotional core (picture fetal position at home). I was not present for my family at all and put WAY TOO much weight on how my new boss perceived me as well as the job I was doing. I'm sure there was A LOT of respect lost during that time. You are also correct, she did not feel loved and was not getting her needs met. The loved and not getting her needs met probably goes back 18-24 months and then the 12 months of my career issue on top of it.

With all of that being said; I'm confident that she has her own NGS issues. She was never able to articulate her unhappiness (or I wasn't able to understand it) and her stepping out has A LOT to do with her. So I agree with your 3 items listed above. BUT - I also believe the fog is starting to fade just a little right now. As I tried to articulate above... I think those 3 items are critical - I'm just not convinced it has to happen without MC or without being totally broken first. NOW! my fear is - you are actually correct and that she will come back and work on it but not realize her actions are based more on her choices and unresolved issues than they are mine. Which is why I still maintain a little MLC going on. So maybe I am trying to short-cut this. I hope not, but my Alpha male will not sit and wait. Nor do I believe that I will actually become so soft that I begin to ease on my boundaries/requirements if/when she does start working on the relationship. <-- but it is possible and I need to watch this.

Emotionally ready or not... I have incredible opportunities with very attractive females and those relationships are already starting for me. This has helped me detach very quickly in the last 2 weeks. I know this is probably not the "best" approach - but it is probably the quickest way to an end the attachment one way or the other. I know they are not what I want in the long run, but they know my situation 100% and soon enough they will end up helping me completely drop the rope.

I believe that items 1 & 2 are not that far off. I think she sees me as someone of High value now (but not extreme high value). I think the fog is lifting because she has already started to see that life alone is not what she wants. Although I do believe she is confused on how/what it takes to make a relationship work. She believes there is a "Mr. Right" and when she finds him relationships will be easy and create the happiness she's looking for (WRONG!). This is what is holding her back (which is one reason I want MC). Then number 3... this is the big one! I cheated (granted much longer ago than her and I came clean on my own) but she is scared to work with me because of this - which is understandable. So now (right or wrong) maybe you can see why I feel motivated to "talk" to her. There is legitimate reason that she needs to see and be reminded that she should work with me. But I 100% agree that she really needs to want it as well. Mark my words - this sitch will know exactly which way it is going in 3-6 months. It will be piecing or I will be gone.

Yes.. I'm mind reading - my perception is usually pretty keen - but again, if I'm wrong it will not change my overall approach. I feel confident to pursue in certain ways while also maintaining my distance, self respect, and boundaries. I am worth every bit of it! and I know I'm worth A LOT more then what she has going on now. But I do acknowledge that because of the mistakes I made. She not only has every right to move on, she has emotional reasons (legitimate) to not come back. I can easily understand and respect that. Simply because I look at her, her actions, and our ability to reconcile the same way. I'm just 2-3 steps farther down the road in accepting the issues and being willing to TRY.