Settling In (LB55 Thread 3)

[LB55]

One of the things that I identified, and I didn't point this out to her, but its totally the wrong mindset for love. This is what she told me, and I wrote it down to remember it because it was so wrong in my mind. "I wanted you to love me the way I wanted, not the way that you wanted to love me." Basically that sounds like 'I don't want the gift you lovingly picked out and gave to me, because I want something else.' Selfish? Wow.

I get where you're coming from here...you're right. But so is she. I recommend reading the 5 Love Languages. People don't always realize that your gift of love is just that...because you aren't speaking their language. People communicate, and love, in different ways.

Keep going forward and doing what you need to do. She may jump back onboard and she may not. But you'll cross that bridge if the Bridge Crewmembers ever get around to building it.

I agree ovr, it isn't all me, nor is it all her. Our perceptions and opinions can both be right. I have not read the book, but I have read about each of the languages. Mine is acts of service and physical touch. I asked her in November what hers was and she said communication. Since that is not an overt option, I can say in my opinion hers is some mix of words of affirmation and quality time.

The words of affirmation are why I'm working hard at non-defensive listening and validation of her feelings. If I can understand her feelings and empathize with her, I'm providing the support she is looking for. Whether that results in us staying together or not, that's not something I can control. I can control the effort I put into this and my attitude.

It is a difficult tasking in a time like this to work to improve oneself, especially in the area of bad habits, without getting defensive and shutting down. PMA will help.

These skills will benefit me at work, at home, and in all relationships. I stood up at training today and politely but sternly called out the group for poor performance regarding attendance. Its not optional and i made it clear. I have been remiss in the past months at leading and being a good example for my fellow service members, and today that stops too. Its all part of the overall picture.