Soon to separate, Possible WAW

[sandi2]

Yes I guess my dad was like that as well. No BS, and would be pretty firm with my mom sometimes.

Sometimes a H has to speak firmly in order for the W to see he is seriously not going to put up with her b.s., bullying, manipulation, temper tantrums, bossiness, etc. He should not yell or shout to get her attention. He should look straight into her eyes and firmly tell her he's not going to tolerate that kind of behavior. And.....if she tests him to see what he'll do, then he needs to have a pre-plan how he'll respond. FWIW, ignoring this type of female behavior doesn't work. I'm not suggesting you do anything that even slightly hints of DV. I think it is harder for a man when he has allowed his W to display bad behavior for years, and then he tries to stop it. By then, she disrespects him so much, it's difficult for a man with NGS to convince a strong willed female that he isn't going to put up with her.

Yeah I have no trouble standing up to my W and while we joke around a lot, if it ever gets into disrespectful territory I have no problem shutting it down.

Then that's a plus for you! I think you need to include the times she is criticizes you. It's voicing her disrespect.

About her WWness, yeah I guess we will wait and see. She is a total homebody. Over the past month and a few weeks since BD I expected her to start going out a lot more with friends. She went out once and that was it. So I imagine if she were to become more WW a sign of that would be her going out way more often. Now that we are S, I’m not sure how I would even know if she is going out more or if there was OM and don’t think it will any good to snoop so I may never know.

FWIW, I never went out. All WW's are not GGW. All WW's don't go bar hopping. Those are some common overt signs of rebellion, but the waywardness began in her heart. The resentment, disrespect, selfishness, etc. continued to breed other negative feelings until she completely rebels against her H, and against her M vows.

Okay understood still no pursuit wether she is WW or not. Our interactions have been really positive the last few weeks. We have laughed a lot and not argued much. I have been good at PMA around her and she also has opened up a lot towards me. No asking her on dates as that is pursuit.

Good deal.

My question would be, what if she asks me to come over or to go do something together? I feel that she will.

I would not usually in favor of it. However, if she's not dating, and there is no OM already in the picture, then you can accept one invitation......provided she continues to respond favorably to you. If she's still criticizing, then no. I recommend you have so many GAL activities planned that you can't accept every invitation she offers.

If she isn't dating, then I think she'll get bored quickly, unless her new BFF keeps her busy. Anyway, when she's feeling bored is when she'll turn to you to talk on the phone......maybe invite you over. I strongly advise against you sleeping overnight at her place. I don't think she should stay at your place, either. She could have backed out of leaving, and she didn't. Therefore, she'll have to see that she can't play house whenever she's in the mood, or lonely for affection.

Now as long as you see progression, you can occasionally accept invitations, however, if she doesn't bring up the subject of working on the issues in the MR.....and you feel she is stringing you along......then you may have to ask her what it is she wants. If she's always wanting you & her to take the baby on some family outing........I have a cure you can use to get a clue where she is with you. Ask her out without the baby. Just the two of you go somewhere. Don't refer to it as a "date". If she doesn't want to go without the baby, then she doesn't want to be alone with you.......and that's your signal to pull back hard. No more accepting invitations and running over there to see the baby. The ball will be in her park.

As I said previously, all this affection and pursuit from her may be just her securing you as Plan B. Ordinarily, that would be my view of it. I think you just need to remain cool & calm, to see how she plays this hand.

If she were to go back home, would her mother be able to afford to live in that apartment alone? Could you & W help her financially? I just wondered why her mother was living with the two of you, unless she is disable or something. If you & W do get back together, her mother really needs to stay somewhere else. It's not a subject you could approach until you know of W's intentions, b/c that topic is highly sensitive. Maybe with just the two of them living together, your W will come to that same conclusion. Maybe mom could find a roommate.

Got home later thinking I would be pretty sad in the empty house, but I actually felt indifferent. My new roommate/best friend came over and we talked about possible furniture arrangements and stuff. Had a good time. Got hockey tonight, gonna stay busy and stay the course. I guess detaching is going well. Still room for improvement though. More later thanks!

That's great. You'll have your moments, but you'll be okay. That's what former members say when they drop back in to send a message to newcomers.

Considering how she has been so lovey-dovey the past few days, it's no wonder you feel hopeful. It's important that you try to post every day, to get the perspectives of others.

Just remember that she's the one who has to pursue you, and not the other way around. She's the one that left. Keep your guard up until you know if she's playing around or not. Don't accept her invitation too quickly, and don't accept every time. If you discover she's seeing someone else, then pull back hard. If another guy shows up immediately after her move out.......then you'll know you were fired and have been replaced.