My, at the time W, went public with OM days after she left. Flaunting him around our small town - everyone knew. This behaviour didn’t last too long, around a month; then getting no more reactions she stopped.
It looks to me like your H didn’t go public, he just got sloppy sneaking around with OW, and perhaps told a few people around work. Of course that’s all it takes for gossip to spread.
You should not talk to H about this. No reason to confront him, he may not have gone as public as you suspect, and your confronting will just feed his justifications about what he is doing, and you will get more blame. If he did blow the lid off and went public, well, let him. Who cares! Confronting in this case would be just arguing, and he will blame you. Not many winning paths here are there. So let him go, let him do his thing, and focus on you and your kids.
You should speak with your family. If they have heard rumours you could let them know the facts. They probably are concerned and care, and really don’t know what to do. You need not go into all the details, or you can confide about it all, or you need not even do any of this - it really depends on what relationship you have with the family member(s).
I suggest you address whatever they already think they know. You didn’t reach out to them, waiting to inform them at a later time, so I am guessing your relationship is not one to confide with them.
As for your hometown. I see you now feel like you don’t want to go. Feeling are fleeting. You say you don’t want to answer questions about your marriage. Ok, I get that. That aside, why did you want to go before you found out about everyone knowing? That reason hasn’t changed.
It takes work and mental assertiveness to keep his MLC from affecting you; from affecting your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual self. Detachment is necessary. Placing some separation between you and him in thought and language helps. You’ve been married for a long time and see the two of you as a couple, as one unit. A perfectly normal and understandable view. You need to change that and place some separation between you two. An example:
Originally Posted by Nyla79
So again my morning started out with craziness. I haven't really told people about my husbands affair or our crisis.
How about:
Quote
So again my morning started out with craziness. I haven't really told people about my husband’s affair or our and his crisis.
It is his affair and his crisis. Not your’s. Do not take it on. Do not get drag into it. It is not our’s.
When you go, and I mean when not if, when you go to your home town and someone asks you about your marriage. Just tell them H filed for divorce. You don’t even have to tell them that much, but this is the truth and it quashes rumours.
I feel for what you are going through. It is not an easy the path you are on. Keep focusing on you and the kids. It will and does get better.
Stay strong.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
