What’s good about this, is I think you felt so much pressure by it, you thought she was head over heels in love and looking for things to go full steam ahead and you freaking by that. Now I think you know she isn’t way ahead of herself and you can chill out a bit! Date and have fun . She will be there, but maybe the pressure is off now.
Usually those words bring on pressure, but for you, maybe it will take it off.
And WTF, LH?? The coach actually puts a timeline on the ILY? Of only 2 months? That’s insane??
Again it’s a guideline. I can’t remember with my ex but we started dating in June and it was in the summer but again when your young with no kids your spending every day together.
Mixed signals for sure....oh well what will be will be. Wait till she gets the roses tomorrow for her birthday with the Happy Birthday greeting Love, J9. Bahaaaaaaa!!
It does bother me some and TBH it was a little awkward but I know I am good either way. I am glad I put myself out there, attempting to overcome my fears. I for sure will not bring up meeting the kids any time soon. That one is on her
I took my shot, the ball is in her court now. At least she was honest. Maybe she had been testing me all long, seeing how quickly I would push things, saying i love you, etc. It could have been one big [censored] test. Not that her feelings are not growing but maybe her tactic is to come on strong, shower with gifts, attention, etc. to see how quickly the man will commit and if he does too early she knows he is weak.
L - I didn't think the coach had a rule over who said it first. I actually though there were times were he said it first. I could be wrong.
I do believe he suggests to let the woman say it first but yeah no hard rule.
Oh man the birthday tomorrow. Under the circumstances now the necklace and roses may be over kill. I don’t know it certainly is easier to be married lol.
J9 - I think that it all went well. It was similar when B dropped the ILU on me. I had to wait for a week or two before I was ready to say it back. It shows that she's taking it seriously. As are you.
As far as timelines go, B told me the other day that her STBX (of 22 years) proposed after 2 days and they were married after 4 months. Each to their own.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
She has already texted me this morning so all is good in the hood. At this point it is what it is and if me telling her what I did and sending her flowers, etc. ends it then it wasn't meant to be so I am secure with the choices I have made. If she really does care for me and sees a future then it shouldn't bother her.
The necklace was like $70, the roses like $60 and the gag gift was around $40 so not a ton of money. I just thought after 4 months of dating roses were more appropriate. At minimum at least she knows I am putting myself out there, overcoming my fears and being vulnerable.
Truthfully your kind of dammed if you do and dammed if you don't.
I know I won't say it again and I know I will never bring up meeting the kids so going forward everything resides with her.
I am not looking to get married tomorrow and honestly we could just continue to date and do what we are doing. It's not about me trying to lock her down. She is a good woman and I just wanted her to know how I feel.
It isn't like I said it after 1 week or 1 month. I guess I will find out where she stands emotionally and if she can handle investing herself.
I'm clearly no expert on the coach and only read the book once, plus my memory has been total poop lately but I recall 8 weeks being the time frame to become exclusive in an R - NOT nessisarily for ILY. He does say to let the woman go first. Again, so much for the coach and his book but you didn't follow it.
I guess I more wonder if you're (not your) really in love J. I think you are really starting to like her a lot. In love though? Regardless I think you're (again not your) right in not regretting it. It will be interesting to see if she pulls back now and 4 months becomes her new record rather than three. It's hard to read this stuff sometimes but communication is key and that's happening so that's good! I think you've got the right attitude now though. You put it out, no regrets and what happens, happens. Good for you!
Originally Posted by AndrewP
As far as timelines go, B told me the other day that her STBX (of 22 years) proposed after 2 days and they were married after 4 months. Each to their own.
OMG - 2 days? Why does that not surprise me. I've heard of stories like this - rarely if ever do they work out. As to each their own - I've yet to hear or read any mental health, life coach, minister, councilor... Anyone who should know these things to suggest this is a smart move. You simply cannot know soneone well enough in two months to get married - let alone 2 days! Marriage is hard enough with a one in two chance of lasting (the first time) it's likely the biggest decision of ones lifetime. To do it in two days is plain foolish. But maybe that's just me.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
