Been decreasing stuff on DB forums for a while. My story so far below: -
Received the ‘I need space’, ILYBIANILWY, ‘not attracted to you in that way anymore’ BD back in Feb. I responded in the typical (bad) plea, beg, cry type of way I know wasn’t good. I also responded with some validatory parts about my part in helping let the R get into the state it had. Our marriage (10) had been going through the motions for some time with a lot of a Groundhog Dayness to it. We have S18 who I adopted when 7 and met when he was 2 (there is no contact with bio D). We also have D9.
I agreed to give her space by moving to my dad’s, friends and then to a nearby flat where I am now. She basically said if I didn’t, she would and she would take the kids with her.
W has been on SSRI meds for ~4 years but has always suffered from depression. These have, imv affected her zest for life / sex drive and her character itself and recently, after her grandmothers death she increased the meds up to the max dosage. It seems possible to me that W44 is Mac.
At the time, I felt it was the right decision to move out if I wanted to save my marriage and to give W time and space to sort through her issues and concentrate on healing and exploring her underlying issues. I now regret the decision as I should have stayed and let he decide whether she wanted to follow through on her obvious threat. The Mr Nice Guy won as he usually does.
I have been trying to concentrate on myself and my own issues since moving out - working out, GALing and detaching and things have been getting easier, more relaxed, less anxious more positive about myself.
W has gone much more distant and seemingly unhappy in the last month or so. She was originally keen for us to meet and spend time for the two of us and together as a family but this seems to have gone. She isn’t keeping up with the housework and has put on weight.
A couple of days ago I came across papers from her lawyer about a meeting they had around the ins and outs of D.
I am now feeling that this whole time apart has been setup by her to get to where we are now and it has gone to plan for her. I now think I will receive papers in the not too distant future and so am exploring the idea of moving back into MH before it happens.
If anyone has any advice from a DB perspective on what to do next.
