Settling In (LB55 Thread 3)

[LB55]

Ok so question here, one of her comments to me when I asked about putting together a timeline to get the D moving was this: "Why are you in a hurry? Got wife #2 lined up already?"

I simply replied that I would like to see forward progress for my own health, and that I don't have wife #2 lined up already, because that isn't fair to anyone involved.

I'm sure I've read this before, but why do they throw the brakes on D so quickly? I mean this is her only goal in life since December, and now that I want to move forward instead of dragging my feet, she wants years to evaluate her finances and make sure we don't make a mistake financially? D is a financial disaster.

She is really into blame and fault finding. If there isn't someone to point the finger at the problem isn't solved for her. Such a youthful mentality, because if a building collapses and kills 5 people does pointing at the engineer and laying blame fix the building or the dead people? I've learned in my career that all blame and fault finding does is make people shut up about actual problems and take a defensive stance. I'm trying to not get defensive when I'm listening to her. So tough because I'm a rational and logical man, and this is completely opposite.

Her anger is still clouding her thinking ability. She still wants to punish me for everything, I believe anger is behind her actions to take the kids away, to kick me out in the way that she did, to fight over money so hard, etc. How long can one stay angry? I can win a war of attrition with anyone. I just want a fair deal that we can both agree on, I'm not out to screw her over in the name of protecting myself. Unfortunately the same is not true of her. That a consistent theme...that this is her standing up for herself and protecting herself. How is telling the judge that 2 hours per month with the kids is what I deserve protecting herself?

I know to not believe what she says, nor to read too much into anything.

I will just keep listening when she talks and validating her feelings. Cant hurt. Good practice for me and shows good change to her. Will she recognize it? Hard to say. Not my problem to worry about.