I need to revisit the sexual boundary again and this time, not let h turn it on me. Any suggestions on how this one goes with a firm boundary and no twisting of the sentence to make it look like he is the victim which h is very good at. It is easier now h is out of the house, but every week h comes a knocking to put it politely. He will have little to no iniated contact from him, till his libido is calling. Then it's all my fault
R2C's comments are great if you want to continue having sex. But if you don't then use "I" language to explain it to him:
"Hey baby it's that time of the week again."
"I'm sorry but I can't continue doing this. You are sleeping with someone else and I respect myself too much to open myself up to catching an STD. And this is just emotionally draining for me, I can't handle the roller coaster anymore. It's time to bring this to an end."
"WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS??? This isn't fair to me!"
"I understand this must be difficult for you but the time has come to protect myself." (validation)
"But this isn't fair! Blah blah blah me me me meeeeee!"
"It sounds like you are frustrated, I can understand how frustrating this must be." (more validation)
"So when can we sleep together again? Tomorrow?"
"No this isn't going to happen anymore for the reasons I explained." (affirmation)
Be firm but understanding. Stick to your guns while validating, even though his comments will probably border on the ridiculous.
