Rollin' with the punches

[DonH]

I shouldn’t touch any sensitive subjects around my time of the month. It’s disaster.

I know I'm kinda late into all of this but... The first thing I did as the reading was unfolding was to take a look at the calendar to see what time of the month it was. Still kills me how (due to formerly matching schedules with Wild Girl) i still know when your emotional time comes. And I've seen this play out now at least a half dozen times with you now - first around the 10th to the 15th of the month and now since your medical shift the 15th to about the 20th. Talk about TMI but seriously, I've come to find in my adult years that this hormonal stuff really places a huge factor for some women and Ginger with nearly all of your struggles coming during this time of the month i think the most important thing you can do is see that part for what it is and wait a week before acting on things that fall during this week.

But we cannot and should not just dismiss all of it as "that time" because it really is not. Clearly he is an acts of service guy. Ask him to come fix something and he'll be there no matter what - even on a Sunday. It's clear! But ask him for close, emotional time, he may not be. See, that takes totally different parts of the brain and is different to cope with. For him, doing an act of service for you is how he shows you he loves you. He's COMFORTABLE with that - very comfortable. He's not nearly as comfortable (at least yet) opening up to you. That takes a different side of him.

i see this by putting myself in his shoes. Many people don't understand people like me who LOVE to be by myself. I'm told I was like that from toddler on. It's not like i don't enjoy other people or make friends or can be outgoing as well. i just am totally fine and sometimes prefer just being alone, doing what I want, when i want, not having to accommodate anyone else. This may be M. it may not. there is no way for us to know.

What it really comes down to is this is who he is. He's not likely to change. That's how pretty much all Rs go. The person is who they are. Either that fits with you or it does not. And you don't need to decide now. It's not like you are 30 or 35 with a bio clock ticking, etc. If this rides another year or two and you break up I would not consider it time wasted. So why not stay on the ride. Just don't expect him to change. That's first and foremost. Then you'll eventually figure out if he is a fit for you or not. You may need someone that is there 24/7. (I don't think you do, i'm just making an example) Let's say you really want and need someone that is around more often than not. If M is not that guy - he's not that guy. If you don't need more than he can give - this R will work (or may work) If you do need that, you need it. It's not bad. It's not right or wrong - it just is - and M might not be the right guy.

Again just putting myself in M's shoes, I could see myself doing what he did - and in past year's I've done it. I still see my brother do it to this day and he's married over 25 years. Ask him to come fix something, help someone, do a task and he's right there. Ask him to hang out with family for an event, and he'd sometimes I think rather go to the dentist. it's just who he is.

As Juju or someone said, the best part of this is M is talking with you about it. That's great. R's are one long, never ending, constant negotiation. You have to chose the really important things and let some things go. I for sure can tell you this, if it were me, the worst thing you can do is put more pressure on me to be there Sunday. That would push me farther away. I suspect M is the same way. IT won't bring you two closer. He will have to come to you on his own - and you acting as if, going out with the girls and just doing your own thing will bring him there faster than anything else you could do.

Most of all (ending where I started) wait until the end of this week and see if things don't look different to you - for the next 21 to 25 days, anyhow.