My h is a good manipulator of words and quickly turns everything to be my fault. I have made a stand before regarding sexual interaction and he turned it on me saying it's the only card I have so I will play that!!
I am confused as I have read a school of thought that if they still want to be intimate then you should be, it's good dam hard and a juggling act. I know having sex isn't to bring h back.
H is worried about me getting into another relationship, woah there I am healing from this one I ain't got the time or inclination to find validation from some other source. The d thing only raises its ugly head when I am going out and friends post comments, then h states that a d will be better to stop him hurting. Oh but I'm ok, and have to wait whilst his limmerance works it's way out of his system. H has always sort affirmation from others for a long time, h is confident and outgoing, only those that truly know him know he is lacking self esteem and is vunerable
Are you comfortable being intimate with someone that may be having relationships with other women? That could put you in danger of him transmitting something to you.
You are a solid plan B if you are still imtimate with him in my opinion.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
So torn am I comfortable? This answer to that is no. I know I should have more respect for myself, he is in a PA all but every couple of months, I need to revisit the sexual boundary again and this time, not let h turn it on me. Any suggestions on how this one goes with a firm boundary and no twisting of the sentence to make it look like he is the victim which h is very good at. It is easier now h is out of the house, but every week h comes a knocking to put it politely. He will have little to no iniated contact from him, till his libido is calling. Then it's all my fault
I'm guessing you are in the UK so hopefully you'll understand my northern bluntness.
You may think he has a lack of self esteem but he doesn't build his self esteem by going out tupping other women. And then tells you to start dancing harder by initiating sex. He must be going round thinking he's a right billy big bo**ocks. Look at these women laying themselves down for me.
Enough.
I don't care what you've done in your M to think that you deserve this. Nobody deserves this level of deceit and mind games.
Get yourself out of the circus.
So what if he twists things. He'll twist anything at the moment. Let him blame you. So what. Your health and sanity is at risk.
How is this dynamic arising? When is he back in the house? Why is he back in the house? If he has to be back in the house then why do you have to be there?
Cadet, no I haven't and neither has he. I should will get onto it. It's something he can do himself I wont ask him unless I continue sleeping with him.
Yorkie good questions, he is back in the house we have children. This seperation from the start has never been normal, if there is a normal seperation. To be honest I think we are both laying crumbs I reject then give a little and he comes running. Yes he is Johnny big bollocks, thrives on it actually.
Plan of action Get tested Set this boundary
So how do I and then validate the crap he is going to spout
I need to revisit the sexual boundary again and this time, not let h turn it on me. Any suggestions on how this one goes with a firm boundary and no twisting of the sentence to make it look like he is the victim which h is very good at. It is easier now h is out of the house, but every week h comes a knocking to put it politely. He will have little to no iniated contact from him, till his libido is calling. Then it's all my fault
Remember, You have all the power, not him.
H:"W, lets make love" W:"H, Go buy a pack of rubbers." H"What??? WHy bla bla bla" W:"I am not having unprotected sex" H" Bla bla bla bla" W:"not until you have protection"
Hold this boundary. Then when he does show up with protection
H:"I have some rubbers, lets make love" W:"I want to see a full panel SDT results before we make love"
Hold this boundary.
Then when he shows you the results, then you can:
"I will not live in an open relationship"
You have plenty of time before this statement has to be made.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Ready2change great plan of action. I was looking at going in straight with I went to work on our marriage, but I cant whilst we are still sleeping together and you are sleeping with others.
Love the exchange above, will be using it next time h comes a calling
Will have to hold strong he is good at maki g me feel crap, that I am the one being unreasonable and that it's all about me
