Unfortunately IMO this is just manipulation on her part to blame you for what’s happening. She will use everything she can to build her case on why you need to divorce.
You don’t have to express that your willing to work on it. Trust me she knows.
LH - I agree it is part of the blame game. But I'm not sure she knows I want to work on it. I think her narrative is that I am manipulative and lying, so expressing my interest in fixing things seems disingenuous to her.
If I am distant? It is punishment, withholding affection. I'm splitting her kids. I'm mean. If I try to get close? No reaction, she withdraws, no talking, we can only talk in front of my IC.
At this point I think I can distill the challenge of my sitch very simply:
W is considering leaving, blames me for her unhappiness, and needs enough fuel (anger) in order to exit the atmosphere (BD). Anything I do or don't do provides fuel. I am powerless to change her mindset. Until she gets out of the 100% blame mindset, there can be no improvement.
Right now I feel comfortable shining the light back down the path periodically, to let her know I want her to follow if she will join me. But I'm still walking forward. And I can live with the result (or I'm getting closer to accepting this at least). Three weeks ago, I couldn't walk the path myself.
