I am thinking about, and feel for you today - 19 year anniversary. I am sure your emotions and thoughts are a little mixed and scattered, which is perfectly understandable.
There are no words to erase the past or the pain, just the slow forward progress towards the unknown future. Progress towards compassion, understanding, and forgiveness. Progress towards your healing.
I am happy to be a companion on your journey, even if it can only be mantle sized.
Originally Posted by Gerda
I am stronger now, as you have all noted. As I return to a more confident self, the one I was before marriage, it erodes other aspects of myself and gets jumbled into my lingering feelings of ugliness and then the whole temptation issue I have alluded to, etc., so it's all a bit confusing. But I am definitely stronger and clearer. I am glad you noticed.
I am glad you see it Gerda.
Be patient and gentle on yourself, things will be a little confusing until it all gels and settles.
As for the title of divorced woman and your view of it being horrible. I do empathize. That was one of my big fears - divorce! I hated the idea, the stigma, the thought of it, how others would see me, would think of me, etc... A divorced man - what did he do? Why did she leave him?
Why do we blame the victim? Why do we blame ourselves? Cause and effect. Except the cause is not of our doing.
Understand and believe this - it gets so much better!
As job said, hold your head up high. You have done nothing wrong.
This is a step you must go through, this horrible divorce self blaming thing. We all do it. And then see and believe the truth of it. Be patient answers and insights do and will reveal themselves, especially when you’re calm and at peace; you really cannot force them.
Letting go of fear, especially the fear of divorce, is a big step. Facing my divorce, was difficult. I think I overcame my fears regarding it. I can’t really remember how I felt.
It seems so weird now. I am divorce, it happened, there is nothing left to fear. Something so big, so irrationally consuming, just becomes nothing - really - just like that. Very weird. As things snap from possible futures into the present reality, fears disappear. So why fear them up front?
My XW pushed abandonment, a separation, and a divorce. She is a sad broken woman, and I do feel for her and all she has thrown away. I look at her with compassion and forgiveness, there really isn’t much else I can do. Hatred and vengeance isn’t the path I want to walk, and it isn’t me. I know who I am, and where I stand.
I see your path following a similar direction. The twists and turns, the dips and valleys, may be different; the heading is the same. Knowledge of one’s self, one’s values and convictions, one’s faith, one’s capacity to understand and forgive.
Today, on your 19th anniversary, amidst all the jumble of emotions and thoughts - I ask you to just acknowledge there is a different future coming. A future with acceptance and understanding. A bright and wonderful future for Gerda.
Stay strong.
Stay in the light.
(((Gerda)))
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
