si, am a very conservative Christian. I believe Christ died for the church and gave his life for it, just like we should be willing to do for our spouse. However, notice, Jesus doesn't "pursue". He doesn't "pressure". He stands at the door and knocks. Anyone that opens the door he will come in and sup with them
In my sitch I stood at the door and knocked. I waited patiently until she was willing to open that door. For me, I was lucky, and it took just a few months. Most will have to wait much longer.
I think DBing fits in perfectly with the idea of Biblically loving my spouse. Jesus said if someone asked him for a cup of water, he'd provide it, out of love. Our spouses ask for space, we should provide it out of love. Love doesn't mean pressure or pursuit. Love means giving someone what they want/need whether it is easy or convenient for us or not.
Those are my thoughts.
^^^Very well said Steve!^^^
Originally Posted by si13
She had no leg to stand on. She admitted that after her AP re-connected with her in February she stopped talking but then got a call from a number in his area. She has consistently reached out to that number.
She confessed that this morning.
Very sorry, I know that has to hurt.
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She asked me if I wanted her to leave, and I said I didn't know right now. I need some time to pray.
I know I can go back and read Sandi's thoughts on what to do now that she has at least admitted to pursuing this relationship still after 18 months.
But I am so confused. Men of faith, Steve, AnotherStander, I want God's heart in this decision. She is clearly making a decision with what she is doing. I told her I would not be disrespected like this.
I think this needs to be her decision. My attitude is there are two options:
1- She stays, chooses to work on the M, and cuts all contact with OM (and does it right in front of you, sends him a text stating that she is choosing her marriage and is deleting his info and stating that he is never to contact her again.) The two of you can discuss options as far as IC, MC, Retrouvaille and such.
2- She moves out.
I do NOT see leaving things as-is as an option. If she chooses option 2 that is NOT a reflection on you, it is 100% HER. I would present her with these options and tell her it's her choice. I would also tell her that if she chooses 1 but you find out that she continues to lie about her activities then she needs to go. So if she leaves, it's either by HER choice or HER bad decisions.
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Going forward I don't know what my play is here. I want to be married but she is gone. I don't want to hurt my kids but they can't live in this environment where everything she does is because she blames me for it.
Keep in mind that even if she leaves, that doesn't necessarily mean it's over. Marriages have reconciled after lengthy separations and even divorce. Trust in your faith, the way forward may not seem like the "right" way to you but it doesn't mean it's not part of God's plan.
