I am so sorry that things aren't any better. I am going to wish you a Happy Anniversary because you've stayed the course and believe in your vows and the teachings that we have been taught through the bible.
I think your h realized what today was and he didn't want you to say anything about it. He's made at himself and the world. I think the problem is that he is stuck in the anger phase of the crisis and he feels miserable and he wants others to feel the same way. When he sees you and the family being calm and happy, he can't stand it. This is no excuse for bad behavior, but that is what I think is going on. The calmer you are, the more angry he will become.
I use to feel that being "divorced" was a horrible title, but I don't any longer. Why? Because I can sleep at night, look people in the eye and know that I was not the one who wanted that document filed in a court of law. I wasn't the one that went out there and had an affair and did not try to vilify him to others, i.e., like he did to me. I did not set out to destroy my spouse, emotionally and financially and I am at peace now w/the guidance of the man upstairs. I forgave my xh many years ago and today, well, I look at photos of him and do not recognize him, but I do pray for him because he needs to find peace.
Once I felt better about my life and my situation, I didn't give the title of "divorce" a second thought. Divorce today and a dime a dozen and doesn't have the stigma it had back years ago. Everywhere you look, people are divorcing because it is so much easier to get one than do the hard, necessary work to repair a damaged relationship. So, please do not think of a "divorce" as wearing a crown of thorns. Hold your head up high, back straight and look people in the eye and do not be ashamed...you've done nothing wrong.
Stay strong. You've got this.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
